Patience, Faith & one Rockin' Mini Van...

Hey again! Hope you are all ready for Christmas! So, I wanted to share the story of our latest blessing, because it is more than a story of blessing - it's a story about making tough decisions and how God can reward you for them.

One of the things I have struggled with the most is patience. When I've made up my mind on something, I feel like I need it all to happen and I need it to happen now. This is the reason behind: why I hired a board of directors for my company who DO have patience; why I have had trouble sticking with a weight loss plan - I want immediate results; why we dug ourselves into so much debt - not because of needing frivolous items, but because with even the necessities, we could not depend on God to deliver - we instead depended on MasterCard & Visa; and even why I have burnt the bottom of many pots and pans! ;)

I have prayed scripture over this and in the process of walking through our financial troubles, I began to learn patience. Faith & Patience are so tied together, but I never made the connection until a couple years ago. Anyone can have faith when it only takes a minute to get what you're believing for (or less!) But faith comes not by seeing, but my believing. And if you never have to wait to see something, you never have to learn real faith.

Once I realized my issue, I began to read faith and trust scriptures. One area I struggled in was tithing. Only because "How can I tithe when I can't pay this month's rent?!" I struggled big-time on this. If you are struggling with this, I hope this encourages you. This may not be in conjunction with what a lot of preachers would preach for you to do, but this is what helped me: baby steps. God spoke to my heart and asked if I could trust Him with just $10 / week. I agreed. Then before long I realized "wow, I am still paying bills and things are falling into place!" Then just a few weeks later, He asked for $20. And so on... (though at the time, $20 was close to our tithe!) Anyway, my belief was God is such a loving God, HE had PATIENCE with ME! :) See, he taught me TWO lessons... He taught me trust and faith as I learned with each step that I could trust Him AND He taught me patience by demonstrating it with me! :) See - that's the kind of God I serve - a loving, encouraging Dad! :)

Fast forward to where we are now. We are doing much better financially. But with all our years of lessons and learning to wait for things, we are able to say "Just because we CAN afford it now, doesn't mean we should." Doing this gives God a chance to work for us. Sometimes, He has come through with a much better deal on the item the very next week. Sometimes we get a bonus for the amount of the item, so it's not out of our normal income! And sometimes... someone will give us that item we were going to buy. And thus the testimony...

I got into a car wreck 5 years ago (almost to the day) and totaled my beloved Mercury Cougar. I was working at home and with Dustin's shift at the movie theater, we had been kicking around the idea of selling the car and going to a 1-car family. The thing holding us back was that my car needed work on it in order to get a good price (like the Kelley Blue Book value) SO, when it was totaled, the insurance gave me the full value for it! We used the money to pay off some debts and became a 1-car family. Then we got into a position where we needed a second car but couldn't afford one. However, we were VERY blessed. We have never had to worry about a ride. Sometimes we were a true one-car family. But other times, friends would go to the airport and leave their cars here (we are close to the airport and often drop friends off to save them the parking fees). Then a friend went to basic training and Iraq and left his car here for over a year for our use! Then my mom loaned us her car for over a year. So we have been blessed. Very blessed. But now it's time. We need a second car. So began the discussion.

My mom offered to sell us her car for a couple thousand less than its full Kelly Blue Book value. Because of the great offer and the fact that I had driven her car and liked it - I felt it was a good move. Dustin was not convinced. We prayed about it and after some time, realized we just didn't have the peace to go through with it. I finally told her we would not be taking it on a Thursday night. It was so hard on my flesh - I even cried. How much longer would we bet without a car now? Then Dustin kindly reminded me about patience and how God continues to take care of us. So I found peace. Then the following Saturday afternoon (less than 48 hours later) Dustin got a call from his grandma. She asked him if he would like to have Pop's van (for those of you who don't know, Pop just died in September). He asked how much for it. She said "nothing". She had been trying to sell it, but God put on her heart to GIVE it to us. That's right - FREE. I thought one deal was great, but this one was even better!!! One issue with my mom's car was that though it was a 4-door, it was very small and would be hard to have when we expand our family. The van - we could have a soccer team and still be fine! ;) And I gotta admit - it's a smooth ride. So, now we are the proud owners of a rockin' mini van! ;)

Tell me my God doesn't work in amazing ways! And even better, this time I only had to have patience for like 40 hours! :) God is such a great God! He really is a rewarder of faithfulness, trust and patience!! And yes - we can keep the car for years to come as our family "grows". ;)

Also, we were able to bless others this year. If you are in a growing stage where you are believing for finances, I encourage you to bless someone else. It doesn't have to be monetary - it can be a cooked meal, a batch of cookies, a cup of coffee over a long chat. And if you do have an abundance of finances, look to God for opportunities to bless others. He put someone on my heart that we are not even close to. I had no idea they were having challenges, but He put their need on my heart and we sowed a seed. Then we found out what all they'd been going through! God used us, just like He used Dustin's grandma and so many others for us.

Blessings to you all! I pray that God brings you all a wonderful Christmas and an abundantly blessed 2012!!!

Why we cry over men in tights...

No! Not THOSE Men in Tights!

THESE men in tights...

So... the loss of my favorite baseball player from my favorite team in my favorite sport left me reeling this week. I fought back tears, anger, jealousy and even the true blues. I am not being TOO over-dramatic when I compare it to the first few stages of grief. Check it out...

Seven Stages of Grief:

1. Shock & Disbelief. Check! I (and all of Cards nation) went through this.
2. Pain. Check! Felt like when I got dumped by my high school boyfriend.
3. Anger: Check! 
4. Reflection, Depression: Lots of reflection for sure... which of course left me with fighting the blues.
5. The Upward Turn: I think I'm already in this stage right now.
6. Reconstruction & Working Through
7. Acceptance & Hope

So, what's the big deal? Especially for those of you who couldn't care less about the Cardinals or baseball or maybe even sports at all? I have to admit that the fact I was fighting off some serious feelings actually made me upset with myself. WHY am I fighting off tears (some leaked through) over this?! Seriously?! It's just a sport! He's just an athlete! This is so stupid!!!

Well, last night in bed, as I saw Mr. Pujols in his new Angels attire, and I again felt all these emotions (See 1-4) I asked Dustin "WHY am I reacting this way?!" Then I tried to answer the question with "MAYBE it's because it's been such a hard year of good-byes for me anyway. This just adds to it." I couldn't finish that statement without completely breaking down into tears. I cried not so much for Albert and his millions, but for the tender brokenness inside my heart from a very tough, challenging 2011. And after the tears came some clarity...

For those who loves sports, it is something that can give us hope. Now, I am a Christian so it should go without saying that the main thing that gives me hope is the Lord, Jesus and the Word. But there is something to be said about the impact of sports in our lives. There is real tangible hope that comes from close games your team aren't supposed to win and chanting together with a large group of people all across the world - all hoping and praying for the same outcome! You are united in this. And there is something so magical about it all. This year's Game 6 of the World Series will go down in history as one of the best World Series games ever. I was watching it, chewing on my T-Shirt and constantly making posts on Facebook back and forth with a group of other Cardinals fans - all of located all over the country, but united as if in the same room together. We were all united in hope. But what IS it that does this?

There is something about watching a player as a rookie. You get to know their back story, where they came from, what they lived through, who they are. You know that Albert Pujols was picked 402nd in the draft. You know that Tom Brady was picked 199 in the draft. You see them play and surprise people. Suddenly they are not just a supportive player on a team. Suddenly they have a name and ESPN is saying it. Then they are leading the team to wins. Then they become a star. They fought from all odds to become the best at what they do. And you root for them. You want them to succeed because it's the dream inside each of us - to prevail against the odds. And the easiest, tangible example of overcoming is watching it happen during 3 hours on a field or a court. One team against the other. The dreamers in this world, those with imaginations, those with ambitions... they are often sports fans. Sports fans have hope against hope. Even when we lose the last game in the playoffs, we immediately begin to hope for next year. And we wish our players all the best, especially those who we have been watching play since they were just a no-name 402nd pick rookie.

I have been a writer in some sense ever since I can remember (although I laid it down for nearly a decade). The first story I remember winning a prize for was in like 4th grade. We had a class contest and I won. My story? It was about the bottom of the 9th, down by 2, 2 outs, and Ozzie Smith steps up to the plate. I'm sure you know how my short story ended. It ended with his famous somersaults. Even at that young age, I was so inspired and emotional about sports - it was what I could write about and win a contest. My dad used to sneak a radio into my bedroom at night when I was little so I could finish listening to the Cardinals game - even though it was past my bed time. My parents were not huge sports fans, so I'm not sure how I came to be one. They said they never understood it - no one in my family was big fans. I think it was just in my blood. Maybe it was because I was born against the odds, and I was brought up against them too. (My real mom did drugs while pregnant with me and after I was born - my grandparents rescued me from the horrible environment I was in) So maybe even then - I knew there was something beautiful and overcoming about sports.

When our everyday lives are not going so great, a good game can give you something to hope for, to root for. It gives you people to believe in, to pray for. And it only takes 3 hours to get results. :) Suddenly we can turn on "the game" and see our team winning and we are elated and hope seeps back into our souls.

This year, I had some very difficult health challenges, I said good-bye to my birth mom (who had become a sister to me). I said good-bye to Dustin's grandpa who was the best (and only real) grandfather I'd ever had. I said good-bye to our own little small superhero: a good friend's son who had beat cancer with an amazing attitude and demeanor, but then succumbed to it at the age of 3. All of these deaths were sudden and cut deeply into our hearts. Our worlds as we knew them were turned upside down. We also made a life-changing decision for me to go back to a full-time job, which came with saying good-bye to a lot of things as well. It was just a tough year emotionally. But then... there are the sports...

Kentucky went to the Final Four for the first time since 1998 (I'm a new fan - only since meeting Dustin 10 years ago - so it was a big deal for me!). We went to Dustin's grandparents to watch the game. I remember Dustin was tired and contemplated staying home to watch it. But I wanted him to watch it with pop. Something in me told me it was important (though he was good and healthy then). Dustin had grown up watching the games with his pop and they would call each other during and after big games to talk about them. It was very special between them. We ended up losing that game, but Dustin watched the last game his pop would ever see right by his side. And it was special. Did I cry when we lost? Yes. I wanted us to win it all for pop. But at least they gave it a heck of a run! And pop was the only one who didn't cry or get mad at the loss. He said "Well, they did a great job. No sense in getting upset over it." 

The Titans said good-bye to Jeff Fisher. That was heartbreaking. Jeff Fisher is a good man and has done a lot for Nashville. And he has been the coach of the Titans since I moved here and fell in love with the sport I had never cared too much about. So - yes, I cried when they let him go. 

Then we have my favorite sports team ever: the St. Louis Cardinals. I don't get to watch them play very much here in Nashville. But as the season ticked down, more games became available and when the playoffs came around - I had the extreme pleasure of watching every single one. So the fact that they took it to Game 7 of the World Series was awesome for me - I got to see more games than I have in years! :) And wow... what an amazing ride that was! By this time, all of the difficult events in our lives had already taken place. This run to the finish line was a much welcomed event for me. It was so uplifting, so amazing, so overcoming! Game 6 was the definition of HOPE and why sports fans are sports fans.

So for many of us: Sports goes back to childhood or to a moment or to a hope. We remember where we were when Pujols hit the ball off Lidge that went into outer space. We remember where we were when we saw the Titans perform the Music City Miracle. And where we were when they came up just a foot short from winning it all against the Rams. We remember those moments and however they turned out - they define a moment when we sat on the edge of our seats, and bound together with millions of other fans, all of our hearts hoped for the same outcome. No one is fighting over politics or religion. No one is discussing the economy or the wars or the future of our country. No one cares about how our diet is going or how our kids are doing in school - not in those moments. In those moments, we all have hope and everything else become background noise, even if it's just for a few hours. When that hope is taken away in the last game of the year, it makes sense that our hearts break just a little. When our favorite player or coach is taken away - it's the same thing.

I have had the extreme privilege to watch and hold my breath, eyes wide open, heart beating fast - as Pujols took the plate in a Cardinals uniform for 11 years. That's a long time. That's one year longer than I've even known my husband. I've talked about Pujols to all other Cardinals fans. I remember my niece, Lindsay having a crush on him his rookie year because she heard what a great person he was (before he was crushing every ball that came his way - which was soon to follow). I have SOOOO many memories of LIFE happening around those moments, watching him play. And as I watched him become the star he is now, I truly thought we would have him forever. It only seemed fair since we had cheered for him before news announcers could even correctly pronounce his name. We had embraced him and his charities before his stats had become epic. And I guess I naively allowed myself to believe I would get to share this legacy with my children someday. I remembered my Ozzie Smith story and hoped maybe Pujols would be the legend in St. Louis that he was. Maybe my kids would write their own baseball story based on the Cardinals with Pujols at the plate. But suddenly, with one story line on Thursday morning, December 8th - all those HOPES  were gone. 

Ultimately, my core of faith and hope rests in Jesus. When life is tough, I turn to Him. But sometimes sports seem like a gift from God because of the excitement and hope they bring. And so it was a sad day to realize I would have to lay down that naive expectation. I would not see him go all the way from a rookie to breaking all the records. I would not get that pleasure. In 4 or 5 years, if he does it - a crowd of Angels will cheer for him and since I cheered for him before they knew who he was, it seems unfair. But just like life - sports feel unfair sometimes. But ultimately they go on. Just like life does. And one day, it won't be so heartbreaking. One day, perhaps Freese will fill that role. One day, there will be another rookie to cheer for. And one day, we will do it with our children and eventually grandchildren. But nothing will ever make us forget all those moments we shared. 

After reflecting on it all, I don't feel so silly. I see the deep-rooted connection sports have in our lives, as well as the players we root for. The key is keep your focus on the game. It will continue to be played and new stars will rise. I feel that I'm already rolling into that 5th stage of grief and I'm sure 6 & 7 are right behind it. It's a lot quicker than the other losses we experienced this year. It's not pleasant, but like everything else - time will heal all pain. That, and another amazing, breath-holding, shirt-eating, stomach-wrenching, comeback win. I can't wait.