Digging, Dunging, Promoting...

Well, by now you guys have probably seen some of my Facebook posts from the past couple weeks alluding to news going on in our lives (or as even my last blog hinted). So, before I give the news, I need to give a little history...

8 years ago, Dustin worked at Dell & I worked at a printing company. Our incomes were pretty good (for our age), but we were young, not married yet and that helped. Then, February of 2004 Dustin lost his job at Dell. After that came a long string of small jobs that didn't pan out mingled with bouts of unemployment [and lots of video game playing, as he'll tell you :)] And so begin the journey of living month to month...

5 years ago, my steady income went away when the company I worked for was going under and my hours got cut in half. I decided to start my own freelance company. I wanted so desperately to be creative and work on fun projects and working in printing did not allow me that opportunity. Thus, out of what was deemed necessity... Kismet Creative was born. Dustin was a manager at the local movie theater. Don't let manager mislead you... it was low pay... I know store clerks who get paid more. But we made it. (I also taught college for a few years part-time to help supplement pay)

3.5 years ago, I founded a new company Relish, Inc. - a wedding stationery company with a very cool, unique software twist! (check it out if you haven't before) When it launched, Kismet was growing and Dustin quit the job he hated to work with me to try to build the businesses...

3 years ago (August, 2008) we got the Kismet client that promised to change everything. Then a month later, after hours of work (and turning down other business) - we discovered the company was a scam. They literally were a scam internet company that launched, sold a lot of customers products they never shipped and shut up shop and fled! We were left with a huge hole in our income. HUGE. We borrowed money and the spiral began that got us into debt. Dustin began to look for work.

2 years ago Dustin got his first real job in IT. YAY!!! A real job!! And steady income!! WOO-HOO! Again, it was small pay, but hey - it was in the field he wanted! And he didn't even go to school! :)

1.5 years ago, Dustin left that to get a job with more opportunities. But shortly thereafter, that company had issues and he got a call... We thought he was getting a call to be hired on at a better level (he was just contract) but instead it was to cut his hours in half!! Then... Kismet started going through a rough patch. More debt accrued... :(

1 year ago... Last Summer things began to turn around... :)
Dustin got a job at an amazing company with REAL PAY!!! Best pay he'd had since working at Dell!!! THEN - I got my first regular client for Kismet - a monthly gig with a large company in California. AND Relish got it's first celebrity client and exploded! Because of those two things, both of my companies had best years to date!!!

This year... Dustin has been working his tale off.
Kismet... has been fledgling. Hard for me to say it, but it's true. I had clients go nutso on me. I was sued (I won, but still...) I had lots of clients push off projects because their businesses were hurting. The economy had not hurt me until this year. But some of my clients went out of business, etc. It's been hard to see that. But mostly... the pain of thinking you are about to have a big job and then they cancel on you... that hurts. And having to stay after people to pay you. Yeah, not really in my DNA. I tried hiring someone to help me as an account manager so I wouldn't have to deal with all the managing of the clients, but that didn't work out. Then, my regular monthly client... they put their account "on hold" a few weeks ago. ugh...
Relish: Going great! Still growing. With such a huge concept, we have been a growth stage since Day 1. But, I will say as an example of where we are going... We have been visited by 117 countries in just he past 4 weeks. We send sample orders (and real orders) to places all across the country each week. However, it's not enough to pay me a salary... yet.
So all in all, we are paying our bills and digging our way out of debt. But it's like we have a garden shovel, trying to dig ourselves out of a massive sink hole.

So... all of this to lead up to this past month.

In June, Dustin was approached by a manager in another department at his company. (his name is Jim) Jim asked Dustin if he'd be interested in a position in their department. After a few weeks and 7 interviews (wow!) Dustin got a HUGE promotion. He went from a Level 1 phone tech to a Level 3 Systems Analyst. This is something you don't get without working in the field for many years or without a degree. But Dustin has impressed so many people there - THEY approached him and he got it!!!! :) And it's a raise! Not as much as we'd originally been told, but it's a raise! :) But more importantly, it is an AMAZING resume builder!!! (did I mention he didn't even go to school to do this?!)

Simultaneously, I received an email from CareerBuilder with a job match. I've been on their list for years and years. Same as with our realtor. I get the emails, I surf the list and that's it - for years now. But this one position caught my eye. It sounded... well, perfect and to me I thought... that means I should not get my hopes up. But hey, what can it hurt to apply? 4 weeks later, after hearing nothing, I'd forgotten about it and moved on. Seriously. Dustin asked if I had looked into jobs and applied for anything else. I was like "I don't WANT a diff job. I just applied to that ONE because it sounded perfect." So... last week they called. And yesterday, I had an interview...

Out of hundreds of applicants, it was narrowed to four. And 24 hours after my interview... they called and hired me. Ready for all the kickers? The things that seem like 'seriously... if you don't believe in my God - you gotta read on...'

• It allows me to do a variety of graphic design projects for marketing pushes. This was the first thing that attracted me to it... the description of what I'd be doing was all the things I LOVE about what I do with Kismet.
• It does not compete with any of my Kismet clients in any way so I can keep doing work for my current Kismet clients without conflict! Second thing I was looking for!
• THE REST ARE PERKS I DID NOT KNOW ABOUT UNTIL THE PAST FEW DAYS:
• The company is located in the same building as my husband's company! Being a one-car family (yes, most people don't know this. Though I do have a car on loan, it's not mine so...) This is an amazing perk! Plus it's all the way in Franklin, so yeah... I thought it'd be cool to both work in Franklin with Dustin, not knowing it was the same exact building!!! He's as excited as me that we are going to be carpool buddies!!! I mean - What are the chances?!!!
• This is a new position in a revamped / new Marketing department. They were previously doing all their advertising out-of-house, but they are redoing their whole image and so they started fresh. My new boss has only been there since April. Everyone is new. I am the first (and only - for now) designer. As it grows, it will be my department and everyone new will be under me. So it was important to him for the person they hired to be a leader.
• I have a $20,000 budget to tell them what all equipment and software I will need. (I know - WHAT?!)
• I get to set my own hours. (reasonably speaking - I can hear you smarty-pants right now)
• I get to work from home sometimes. And as I get more acquainted, I can do it more often. 
• I will be on my own most of the time - no micro-managing. I'll have a partner with the copywriter. And that's about it for now! LOTS of projects to do and just me to churn out the designs. :)
• Oh, what else?! Oh yeah... best pay I've ever had in my life. BY FAR. :)
  The Reschs will have literally QUAD-DRUPLED their income from just a little over a year ago!!! (doesn't even count Relish's profits - because we are re-investing that back into the growing company!)

So... questions and notes...

1. What does this mean for Kismet? 
   I will still be handling current clients because I can manage regular clients stuff. I will not be taking on any new clients (because that entails branding and too much work). I will not be doing any more websites - which I am THRILLED about! :) But I feel SO blessed that I get to keep Kismet and the few clients whom I adore! With the removal of meetings with new/potential clients, eliminating meetings with "clients" who never want to pay me real money (#timewasters), eliminating those clients all together... I should be able to manage the business at it's most basic form very easily. :)
2. What does this mean for Relish?
   Well, I am going to do my best to manage it for now. But as we are ramping into a new season... I understand the reality that we will be needing to hire part-time help. As soon as I get my duckies in a row, I will be hiring someone trustworthy to help me with our baby! :)
   I will still be working on the catalog and the exciting things that are in the works for 2012!!! (just wait!!! It's going to be fantastic!!!)
   AND with this money, we can also invest into the company like we want to. We still feel that Relish is our future, our retirement project if you will. We have investors, a board of directors, a growing list of dealers across the country and several brides from across the world who reinforce the belief in this dream!!! So - taking this position will only help it!!!
3. NOTE: I love Kismet. I love my baby. It was never meant to be forever. I had no idea what it would become. I adore the majority of my clients and I thank them all from the bottom of my heart. My new boss (wow - I now have a boss that's not me!!!) said that it was my wide-range of experience, great portfolio and expertise that got me the job. Do you know what made all of that possible?! KISMET AND RELISH!!! Since I was paying myself - I allowed myself the time it took to learn new things. I taught myself HTML, Blog coding, SEO, etc...  I learned new design tricks! I really refined my gifting. And I could never have done that without owning my own business!
4. Should other entrepreneurs give up and get a corporate gig? 
   I have been blessed to encourage so many of my friends to start their own business!!! So, I want to say clearly... NO!!! Every business is different. My business (Kismet) depends on other small businesses. And while I can claim good things for my company, I could not always get my clients to keep the faith. Thus, the rocking economy has hurt them and in turn - me. Also, in my line of work - I had to constantly try collecting on jobs. SO NOT FUN! :( I have friends that do big bulks of work and that is great for them - easy payment process and steady work. Not so for me. 
5. What really lead to this?
   A year ago, I realize how much I was making hourly with Kismet: Less than minimum wage and it was deflating. :( I talked to our awesome pastors at church about going into a season of "digging & dunging"  - a parable in the bible about not cutting down the tree yet - to dig & dung it and then if you come back and it still isn't producing fruit - then you do something about it. Then, I started praying seriously about what to do next back in December / January. I felt like I was supposed to be doing something different. My back had went out (again) and I was going through physical therapy. Yes, it was from my position but also from STRESS. Then, I had to have surgery for endometriosis. The money it costs... ugh - more debt. Then my birth mother died a month later. And I have a younger brother (I can explain that in a whole other novel - literally) who now has basically no immediate family left but me. I want to be able to be there for him in the future should he need me like I needed people in my life. Dustin & I both want to have more so we can GIVE MORE!!! We want to be a blessing!!! :)
   All this left me to ... WANT MORE. I want to be valued for what I do. I want to live an easier, less stress life (I could write a book on the stress I've been through with Kismet... the lawsuits, etc). I wanted MORE and I feel like God wanted to PROMOTE ME. But how? Now, I know. THIS IS MY PROMOTION! :) 

How amazing it is that my awesome hubby and I are both getting promotions at the exact same time!!! I am so thrilled!!! This will help us get out of debt and into our house so much quicker!!! (our belief date is September, 2012 - believe with us!!!)

All credit to my Lord and Savior for everything He has always done for us. We have NEVER went without. We have had a good home, food and clothes. We have BARELY scraped by many, many months but He has always pulled us through!!! Thank you to those of you who have sown into our lives!!! You are part of this testimony with us! This is just the beginning. There are great things coming!!! Not just for us, but for you too!!! 

The real turnaround began when we began praying financial scriptures EVERY SINGLE DAY. We meditated on them like they were lifelines. We prayed them and soaked them in. We also filled our ears with teaching on finances and breakthroughs, from the likes of our Pastor Jim (Joy Church), Joyce Meyer, Creflo Dollar, the Copelands and the BRILLIANT Dave Ramsey! Instead of seeing where we were, we saw where we wanted to be. I told God through this whole process... God, I'm not sure why I'm applying to a job. I thought this was my destiny. Finally, last week he revealed to me "everything is not as it seems". The final destination is still the same, but the journey is not always for us to decide! In the end, I now see I was on the right path the whole time. And if something should change again - I know it's because HE is leading me somewhere better. 

If you are struggling with debt, finances or any other challenge... I encourage you to claim the good news the Bible says! There are REAL promises in there that God gives to His children. Seriously - it's not just a book of rules. :) And you can stand on those promises!!! Just like our Pastor says - it probably won't happen overnight, but keep it up and just you wait.. :) I started this new routine over 2 years ago and slowly things began to turn!!! OH - and I tithe. ;) I know that's a sensitive subject - it was for me. Then, I finally trusted God with $10, then with $20 and then with 10%!!! You may think I'm crazy that God talks to me. But here's the deal... if you talk to Him long enough, you will start to hear back! ;) It's not in audible terms. It's creative ideas and unctions He puts in your heart. It's the best relationship you could ever have. I am not going to use this post to talk about how "down" my life could have been this year. But you can probably get it by knowing that within 2 months... I went through therapy for a slipped disc, I was told I may not ever have kids, I had to have invasive surgery, I was sued (went to court), my birth mother died suddenly in a car wreck & my business turned down. Yeah... fun stuff in the natural. But I kept ever closer to God so I could hear HIM, so I could know HIS promises!!! I will post a blog on praying over finances very soon! :)

Okay, enough already with this book. Love you guys. Pray for me on this new adventure! I feel like I'm going back to school! :) haha 

PS: I am also writing my first novel! A few chapters in now! :) But... that's big news for another day. 

Things are not as they seem...

I've been thinking a lot lately about how things are not always as they seem. I've been struggling to find mercy and understanding in situations that SEEM to be "unfair" in my eyes. Honestly, this is something I've been trying to understand the past couple years as we have went through some challenges. But just recently God spoke to my heart about this, simply making me understand that by now (with all I've been through) I should understand that life isn't that black and white. Things are often not as they seem.

Dustin and I have had financial challenges for the past... 7+ years. It's been a roller coaster of ups and downs but God has ALWAYS taken care of us and in the end, the pressure of it all was way worse than any actual consequences. Which should make me understand that I need NOT be pressured! Or worried! God has proven over and over again that despite what the situations look like, HE is our provider and He is very creative in taking care of us. We are doing much better now and on the cusp of something fairly big (for us). I will share more about that in the near future. :) In the meantime, I wanted to share some of my challenges and revelations in hopes that they can help others... It's not all about finances, no - we hit the "Big 3": finances, healthy & family. Here is a nutshell of things I THOUGHT were one way and turned out to be another.

A couple years ago, when I was praying to God to bring us our breakthrough, it felt like everyone around us was getting theirs. I had a couple friends who were doing extremely well (or so I thought). Then the wife called me one day crying because they were behind on all their bills and they were over $100,000 in debt. I ended up counseling her.
Things were not as they had seemed.

Around that same time, Kismet (my design company) got a new client who promised us the world. They loved our work and wanted us on their team as they built their new empire of a business. I was so excited! This was it - this was the breakthrough!! Because of my excitement, I broke my business policies in getting money upfront. And when they had banking issues and asked if I could wait for what was due me and keep working, I agreed. In the end, they were a scam company that got set up, ripped off a bunch of customers AND vendors and then shut down and vanished. $6000.00 I was owed - GONE! It took us a year and a half to FIND the guy and get him into court. We won & finally got paid. But I learned a valuable lesson from that as well. [NOTE: At that same time, another new client was going to take us to Hawaii so we could help them with some of their resorts there. They were just working out dates. Yep, scam as well.]
Things were not as they had seemed.

On the other side of that... Relish (my stationery company) had been getting lots of calls last Summer about invitations, but nothing had come through. Then I had a message one day from someone that was representing Loretta Lynn and they wanted us to do invitations for her event. WHAT? Then, I found out it was going to be a relatively "small job" most likely. Therefore, I did not get too excited. But, it was real. And the job just kept growing! I mean... HUGE BUDGET! The one order ended up bringing in as much money as our whole company had brought in the year before! I had no idea that phone message would end up being so big!
Things were not as they seemed.

More recently....

I had been feeling increasingly worse for the past couple years when it came to one week out of the month. Then, in January things got extremely bad, not just for that one week, but there was severe pain by my bladder. I saw my family doctor in March, who referred me to my gyno. I just knew it was Pelvic Inflammatory Disease or a Cyst because I'd been diagnosed with those at 18 and the pain was very similar. The gyno made me get ultrasounds to get a confirmed diagnosis. I got a phone call that shocked me. They said I had a wall in my uterus and scar tissue that they thought was indicative of Endometriosis. Both of these things were not on my radar at all. They told me I needed surgery immediately and also told me risks of not getting pregnant. But I just knew all I had needed was a shot! Turns out, the doctor thinks I had Endo all along, probably at 18. When I went on birth control for the cyst, it probably put the Endo in remission. I went off birth control (for other health reasons) two years ago, and so...
Things were not as they seemed.

When I went in for surgery at the end of April - there was lots of Endometriosis, but NO WALL! My doctor called so excited about the news. They thought they saw something on the ultrasound, but...
Things were not as they seemed (my God is an awesome Healing God!!!)

When my birth mother passed away on Memorial Day this year, I experienced emotions I had not expected. She had left me (multiple times) when I was a child and then ultimately given me up for adoption to my grandparents. Though I had sincerely forgiven her, I didn't think I had deep feelings for her, since I felt like I barely knew her. But...
Things were not as they seemed. I had a deep love for her I cannot explain, and a new compassion that has sprung forth out of me because of it!

During all I've been through, I have had many friends reach out to me, sometimes friends I did not expect. And I have cried many tears of JOY! SO MANY in fact! People are quick to assume the tears are of sadness, but...
Things are not as they seem.

So where is all of this coming from Stephanie? Well, recently Dustin & I have had some new opportunities present themselves. But in this journey, I have kept saying to God "But I never saw this part in the plan. You never showed this to me. This must not be from you." And He recently, quietly put on my heart "Things are not as they seem". In other words, just because I thought the Big Plan and vision He's put on our lives includes A, B & C... That doesn't mean it doesn't also include D, E, F & G. AND just because things look a little different than I had envisioned, that doesn't mean the ultimate plan / vision He's given me isn't the same. It is! The destination is the same, even if the journey looks different than you'd planned!

Just because you FEEL a certain way about how things look around you, whether in your own life or in others... don't be so quick to judge and to try to figure it all out yourself. God KNOWS the whole truth and the journey from beginning to end. If you look back, I'm sure you'll discover many of your own moments of "Wow, that was not what it seemed!" AND you will probably discover you are still on a path to greatness and a big vision He's given you. So, don't get all wrapped up in the way the package looks. TRUST GOD that A) He is your provider (financial, health & family!!!) and B) It doesn't matter!!! :) If He has a plan for you, and you trust HIM - it doesn't matter what the journey looks like as long as you are following Him!!!


"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." - Jeremiah 29:11

Not Pictured...

So... I've been under some "stress" lately. :) And with that stress has come many opportunities to worry, get frustrated, worry, get angry, worry, get depressed and... did I mention worry?

Today, I was browsing my email and saw one from our realtor friend (We are still at the daydreaming stage to getting a house, but it's fun to daydream!). I opened it to take a look at some of our options. There was one listing that sounded AMAZING! It was a large house, with a large master, a jacuzzi bath, open kitchen, fenced-in backyard... lots of perks! And the description sounded great! Notice I say "sounded"? The photo of it was...



That's a bad sign to me. In fact, I usually don't even read the listing because of the lack of photos. In my experience, no photographic evidence is a bad sign. OR when the photos consist of just one of the back deck... not a good sign either. I only took the time to read this one because I was thinking about the revelation behind it.

As Christians, we can talk ourselves up all day long. Actually, we can even do the things we say. We can pray 3 hours a day, study the Word 2 hours a day, etc. But if our photo does not represent a Christian, people will look right over us to the next thing.

Too often, "Christians" try to preach to others, which is actually in reality a way for us to judge others, to feel better about ourselves, to feel smarter, etc. But if our everyday walk, our everyday attitude and our everyday fruit does not show the life of a Christian, then no one is going to pay attention to us!

I too am guilty of this in an area of life. I am so good at trusting God in so many areas of my life and so I easily preach to others about trust. But when it comes to finances, I am easily dissuaded. When something unexpected comes up in this area, I get frustrated, sometimes angry. Recently, I "lost money". I donated to something that didn't pan out and I personally lost a couple hundred dollars as well as several hours of time. I was the only person out money. I then found out that my best client was pulling out of some work they had promised me. Then the medical bills just keep coming. I was stressed, fatigued and honestly... I got angry.

It was unsettling in my spirit how I dealt with everything. When I looked in the mirror, I didn't feel like I was pictured! I know in my heart who I am. I know the teaching I have and the peace I have deep down at my foundation. I know that I am built on good ground. I know that I have rooms full of love and compassion. I know that I am a good person. But in all honesty, it was not being pictured!

When someone does something we think they should not, when we get hurt, when things go unexpectedly awry... I understand that it's so easy to get upset. I know it's easy to judge others. I know it's easy to spout your opinions on Facebook "No one should do this. If you do, you're in the wrong!" I know that. But, listen to me... As Christians, we must be PICTURED as Christians first. Allow people to see our photo as a nice person, a kind person. Let them first SEE US as a beautiful house that is built on God, with rooms full of love and compassion.

Pictures truly are worth 1000 words! And sadly, your "listing" can sounding amazing, but without the photos to back it up, you will be passed over. For me, it has meant forgiveness, trust and learning to live with joy no matter what (yes, that's right - no matter what). It means trusting God to be my provider - with finances, love, health, everything! Trust Him and move forward with that foundation. Do not worry (Matthew 6:34) but continue with peace that this moment will pass and find the joy within (from God). I don't want people to see me as a whiner, a complainer, an angry person, a person who always seems to have things going wrong in their life, a person who likes to cause division, etc. I want people to see a life of peace, built on love - God's love. That's the picture I want shown! What about you?

JOHN 13:34-35 says...
"A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another. By this shall men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another."

words, words, words...

I love words. I love how they land on a page (or screen). I love how they bounce off a page into your mind and your heart. I love how the right words at the right time can change your world forever.

I recently had lunch with my oldest friend (since I was like 3 or 4). I am blessed that she moved to Nashville years before me for separate reasons and we get to hang out from time to time. I reminded her of one of our lunches that took place about 8 years ago. It was just a normal day and we were heading back to work from lunch. She mentioned a bible study she was in and how she had just learned that God doesn't only FORGIVE you when you ask, but he actually FORGETS! He wipes the slate CLEAN! It's hard for us to understand as humans whom often hold grudges. But, He truly does this, she told me. She said "So, you can literally start new tomorrow!" At the moment, I thought it was interesting (and news to me) but it didn't seep in. I was out of church at the time, living a less-than-Christian lifestyle. And not only that, but I was miserable. I put on a good act, but I was miserable. That night, I went home and was sitting around watching TV and suddenly her words came back to me... "God forgets... you get to start fresh..." And as I paused to think on this, I began crying out to the Lord. I could feel Him with me for the first time in years and I asked him to give me a fresh start. And... the next day was NEW!!! And my life made a HUGE direction change - HUGE! All it took was those few words spoken casually by a friend...

A couple weeks ago, I was so sick to my stomach and not sleeping, fighting off depression. I was trying to imagine a way I could pull myself out of bed. Then my pillow started vibrating. I had fallen asleep playing a game on my cell phone. There was a text message from a church friend saying that for some reason, I was on their heart and she said I could do all things through Christ. It was just what I needed. We are not even "close" friends (though I cherish her!) But she followed the Lord and it changed my day, which changed my week and so on...

So those are words I love. And I am blessed to have a great relationship with words these days. I am back to writing and I love that! But what about the other words? Do you understand how important your words truly are? My fellow JCI peeps have for sure heard about this, as Pastor preaches on it. But I have just really seen the extreme of this as of recently.

As most of you know, my birth mother passed away a month ago. I went home for a week and between that and the increased contact with family since then, I began to see the power of the wrong words. I have been living in a bubble and had forgotten what an impact the wrong words can make. And there are different forms...

1. The speaker over others: I heard many people speaking negative things to or about others. Examples: "You never could figure out money! You gotta quit messing up!" "You are such a mess. You are going to be just like your mom the rest of your life!" "He is nothing but a screw-up"

These are words that condemn other people. Yes, people need correction sometimes, but there is a difference between correction and condemnation. Words like that can get into someone's psyche and hold them back like a curse for years and sometimes a lifetime. I have words that were spoken over me as a child that I am still trying to overcome.

Not only is it bad for the person receiving, but for the person giving. When you say negative things about others, it is often a reflection of what you think the world is and what you feel your life is. I know it's hard, but if you choose to SPEAK the positive about others (or at least hold to the "if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all") it will change how YOU see yourself and others. The more negative you focus on, the more down your spirit will be. Don't believe me? TRY IT. Challenge yourself to not say anything negative about others for a week and see how you feel? I guarantee that by the end of the week, most of the negative things you wanted to say from a few days earlier - you will have forgotten them. BUT if you speak them, they are out there. And suddenly they can be dwelt on. By others, by you.. they can cause division and strife that keeps on going - when, if you'd just held onto the words (despite your thoughts) the situation would resolve itself.

2. The speaker over themselves. Years ago, I got new neighbors and friends when Keith & Twylla Foust moved in below me. They became my spiritual big sister and brother. I had a huge habit of saying "I'm so stupid." or "I'm such an idiot" Twylla would often correct me on that. That was just the beginning. Once I learned how better I felt not insulting myself, I began to learn how much better I felt not condemning my life. For instance, always saying "I'm getting sick again" NO! I may not feel great, but to claim that bad things are about to come my way. No, thanks! Same way with "It's going to be a crappy day!" If you say it, then so it may be! WHY go ahead and claim that junk?! I'm not perfect at it, but I PROMISE you my life is so much better since I stopped focusing on where I was lacking and started focusing on the good!

For instance, instead of saying "I feel horrible. I have felt bad for so long now" I say something like "I am healed and today will get better!"

A big one for me, a pet peeve of mine is "I'm broke" I HATE THAT EXPRESSION! I used to say it just like the rest of the world. Do you realize the connotation there?! Not only financially, but you are saying you are BROKEN! That means, something is wrong with you, you are incomplete. That is NOT true!! I stopped saying that YEARS ago during our most "financially-challenging" time. I said instead "I can't really afford to do that right now. We are financially-challenged" May seem funny, but I promise you - makes a huge difference in how you see yourself AND life! Again, I'd challenge you to a week of nothing but self-love and proclamation.

3. Casual Speak: I do not understand this one as much as the other two. I recently came across some Facebook pages where girls were saying "Hey B****! Call me!" And that was the nicest name they called each other. Not only was this between friends, it was between family! Not only that, but mothers and daughters!!! They think it's funny, but you have to understand you are labeling yourself and others. Even if it's fun to you, I have found out that there is truth in our words. That may make you mad, but it's true. If you say stuff like this as truly fun to start out, there will start to be truth behind them. STOP THIS CRAZINESS! Love each other! Try calling each other "Sweetie, Lovebug, Sweet girl, Princess, Babe, Sister, Baby Girl, Momma, Friend" Just TRY IT. See how it makes you feel!!! These are words I am blessed to be called and I ALWAYS smile inside when I hear them. It does something to your soul to know that's how others see you!

So, in all this reflection - I realized that I have become a little lazy with some of my words. Facebook & Twitter has helped with this. Sharing every random thought with such ease... Yes, Facebook status words count! And because I have become more free with that stuff, I've become more free in face-to-face conversations as well. We must guard our hearts by guarding our words!

When Marcia died, I realized that when people I love die, the one thing I long for is their VOICE. I can still hear every loved one I've lost. I can hear how they said my name and what they called me, how they talked to me. Seriously, not just saying this for the purpose of this blog. I can hear my friend Jon and how his voice fluctuated when he'd say "Steph" - how I could hear the smile in his voice when he greeted me. I can hear my friend Brian from years ago saying "It's a party!" everytime I walked in the door somewhere. Not because I partied, but because I was always so cheerful and he said he loved it whenever I walked in the room.

What do you want people to remember about your voice? What will it be? Not all my memories are so fond, but I can't change them, because the people are gone and they have no more words to offer me. We only have so many words in this lifetime and yet they are all that will be left of us when we are gone. So what do you want to do with your's?

Welcome!

So... I am on a journey, a journey we are all on. It's the journey of life. The older I get, the more I discover it's not just about me (duh). And in that discovery, I realize that maybe some of the thoughts and revelations I have can help others on their journey as well. Just remember - it's coming from my journey, so if you can't relate, dismiss that entry! ;)

I am personally walking through what in the natural is my most challenging time of life thus far. But I am doing it trusting in God. How can I trust in God when things are challenging? Simple! I look back at the past 34 years and I see the other challenges I've had and the MANY victories that have come out of them! Don't see the victories in your life? I'm quite sure they are there. If nothing else, you are still alive to read this and sometimes living is the ultimate victory!

I'm not starting this blog because I think I'm a wise guy (gal) ;). I'm not pretending to have a wealth of knowledge. I am honestly just tired of posting silly status updates on Facebook. Nothing wrong with that, but my life is deeper right now. So I have some deeper revelations I'd like to share from time to time. I am a very visual person and because of that God gives me strong visuals from time to time. I will share these as well as any personal updates I find relative to the purpose of the blog.

So what is the ultimate purpose? The purpose is not to whine, complain or whatnot. The purpose is to reveal God's glory in my own life. The purpose is to see the light instead of the storm. Because in the end the sun always comes out again, so why not focus on that instead?

Who knows how often I will post? I have no idea. I am an aspiring writer... well, I AM a writer. I felt called to be a writer as a child and into my youth. But I left it all for a "more solid career". That's all good and well, but I am missing writing. So, I've gotten back into it. So this is a way for me to have an outlet for that as well. Who knows? Maybe I'll even share some prose / poetry. Who knows? Maybe I won't write another post after this one. :) haha But either way, you are invited to come along on my journey of discovery, revelation and writing.

WRITE ON!

Jeremiah 29:11

PS: I am a graphic designer by trade. I design blogs as part of my living. I do not have the energy to design this one because that is my job. :) haha But if you'd like to check out what I can do, I'll be posting some work later on. :)