Patience, Faith & one Rockin' Mini Van...

Hey again! Hope you are all ready for Christmas! So, I wanted to share the story of our latest blessing, because it is more than a story of blessing - it's a story about making tough decisions and how God can reward you for them.

One of the things I have struggled with the most is patience. When I've made up my mind on something, I feel like I need it all to happen and I need it to happen now. This is the reason behind: why I hired a board of directors for my company who DO have patience; why I have had trouble sticking with a weight loss plan - I want immediate results; why we dug ourselves into so much debt - not because of needing frivolous items, but because with even the necessities, we could not depend on God to deliver - we instead depended on MasterCard & Visa; and even why I have burnt the bottom of many pots and pans! ;)

I have prayed scripture over this and in the process of walking through our financial troubles, I began to learn patience. Faith & Patience are so tied together, but I never made the connection until a couple years ago. Anyone can have faith when it only takes a minute to get what you're believing for (or less!) But faith comes not by seeing, but my believing. And if you never have to wait to see something, you never have to learn real faith.

Once I realized my issue, I began to read faith and trust scriptures. One area I struggled in was tithing. Only because "How can I tithe when I can't pay this month's rent?!" I struggled big-time on this. If you are struggling with this, I hope this encourages you. This may not be in conjunction with what a lot of preachers would preach for you to do, but this is what helped me: baby steps. God spoke to my heart and asked if I could trust Him with just $10 / week. I agreed. Then before long I realized "wow, I am still paying bills and things are falling into place!" Then just a few weeks later, He asked for $20. And so on... (though at the time, $20 was close to our tithe!) Anyway, my belief was God is such a loving God, HE had PATIENCE with ME! :) See, he taught me TWO lessons... He taught me trust and faith as I learned with each step that I could trust Him AND He taught me patience by demonstrating it with me! :) See - that's the kind of God I serve - a loving, encouraging Dad! :)

Fast forward to where we are now. We are doing much better financially. But with all our years of lessons and learning to wait for things, we are able to say "Just because we CAN afford it now, doesn't mean we should." Doing this gives God a chance to work for us. Sometimes, He has come through with a much better deal on the item the very next week. Sometimes we get a bonus for the amount of the item, so it's not out of our normal income! And sometimes... someone will give us that item we were going to buy. And thus the testimony...

I got into a car wreck 5 years ago (almost to the day) and totaled my beloved Mercury Cougar. I was working at home and with Dustin's shift at the movie theater, we had been kicking around the idea of selling the car and going to a 1-car family. The thing holding us back was that my car needed work on it in order to get a good price (like the Kelley Blue Book value) SO, when it was totaled, the insurance gave me the full value for it! We used the money to pay off some debts and became a 1-car family. Then we got into a position where we needed a second car but couldn't afford one. However, we were VERY blessed. We have never had to worry about a ride. Sometimes we were a true one-car family. But other times, friends would go to the airport and leave their cars here (we are close to the airport and often drop friends off to save them the parking fees). Then a friend went to basic training and Iraq and left his car here for over a year for our use! Then my mom loaned us her car for over a year. So we have been blessed. Very blessed. But now it's time. We need a second car. So began the discussion.

My mom offered to sell us her car for a couple thousand less than its full Kelly Blue Book value. Because of the great offer and the fact that I had driven her car and liked it - I felt it was a good move. Dustin was not convinced. We prayed about it and after some time, realized we just didn't have the peace to go through with it. I finally told her we would not be taking it on a Thursday night. It was so hard on my flesh - I even cried. How much longer would we bet without a car now? Then Dustin kindly reminded me about patience and how God continues to take care of us. So I found peace. Then the following Saturday afternoon (less than 48 hours later) Dustin got a call from his grandma. She asked him if he would like to have Pop's van (for those of you who don't know, Pop just died in September). He asked how much for it. She said "nothing". She had been trying to sell it, but God put on her heart to GIVE it to us. That's right - FREE. I thought one deal was great, but this one was even better!!! One issue with my mom's car was that though it was a 4-door, it was very small and would be hard to have when we expand our family. The van - we could have a soccer team and still be fine! ;) And I gotta admit - it's a smooth ride. So, now we are the proud owners of a rockin' mini van! ;)

Tell me my God doesn't work in amazing ways! And even better, this time I only had to have patience for like 40 hours! :) God is such a great God! He really is a rewarder of faithfulness, trust and patience!! And yes - we can keep the car for years to come as our family "grows". ;)

Also, we were able to bless others this year. If you are in a growing stage where you are believing for finances, I encourage you to bless someone else. It doesn't have to be monetary - it can be a cooked meal, a batch of cookies, a cup of coffee over a long chat. And if you do have an abundance of finances, look to God for opportunities to bless others. He put someone on my heart that we are not even close to. I had no idea they were having challenges, but He put their need on my heart and we sowed a seed. Then we found out what all they'd been going through! God used us, just like He used Dustin's grandma and so many others for us.

Blessings to you all! I pray that God brings you all a wonderful Christmas and an abundantly blessed 2012!!!

Why we cry over men in tights...

No! Not THOSE Men in Tights!

THESE men in tights...

So... the loss of my favorite baseball player from my favorite team in my favorite sport left me reeling this week. I fought back tears, anger, jealousy and even the true blues. I am not being TOO over-dramatic when I compare it to the first few stages of grief. Check it out...

Seven Stages of Grief:

1. Shock & Disbelief. Check! I (and all of Cards nation) went through this.
2. Pain. Check! Felt like when I got dumped by my high school boyfriend.
3. Anger: Check! 
4. Reflection, Depression: Lots of reflection for sure... which of course left me with fighting the blues.
5. The Upward Turn: I think I'm already in this stage right now.
6. Reconstruction & Working Through
7. Acceptance & Hope

So, what's the big deal? Especially for those of you who couldn't care less about the Cardinals or baseball or maybe even sports at all? I have to admit that the fact I was fighting off some serious feelings actually made me upset with myself. WHY am I fighting off tears (some leaked through) over this?! Seriously?! It's just a sport! He's just an athlete! This is so stupid!!!

Well, last night in bed, as I saw Mr. Pujols in his new Angels attire, and I again felt all these emotions (See 1-4) I asked Dustin "WHY am I reacting this way?!" Then I tried to answer the question with "MAYBE it's because it's been such a hard year of good-byes for me anyway. This just adds to it." I couldn't finish that statement without completely breaking down into tears. I cried not so much for Albert and his millions, but for the tender brokenness inside my heart from a very tough, challenging 2011. And after the tears came some clarity...

For those who loves sports, it is something that can give us hope. Now, I am a Christian so it should go without saying that the main thing that gives me hope is the Lord, Jesus and the Word. But there is something to be said about the impact of sports in our lives. There is real tangible hope that comes from close games your team aren't supposed to win and chanting together with a large group of people all across the world - all hoping and praying for the same outcome! You are united in this. And there is something so magical about it all. This year's Game 6 of the World Series will go down in history as one of the best World Series games ever. I was watching it, chewing on my T-Shirt and constantly making posts on Facebook back and forth with a group of other Cardinals fans - all of located all over the country, but united as if in the same room together. We were all united in hope. But what IS it that does this?

There is something about watching a player as a rookie. You get to know their back story, where they came from, what they lived through, who they are. You know that Albert Pujols was picked 402nd in the draft. You know that Tom Brady was picked 199 in the draft. You see them play and surprise people. Suddenly they are not just a supportive player on a team. Suddenly they have a name and ESPN is saying it. Then they are leading the team to wins. Then they become a star. They fought from all odds to become the best at what they do. And you root for them. You want them to succeed because it's the dream inside each of us - to prevail against the odds. And the easiest, tangible example of overcoming is watching it happen during 3 hours on a field or a court. One team against the other. The dreamers in this world, those with imaginations, those with ambitions... they are often sports fans. Sports fans have hope against hope. Even when we lose the last game in the playoffs, we immediately begin to hope for next year. And we wish our players all the best, especially those who we have been watching play since they were just a no-name 402nd pick rookie.

I have been a writer in some sense ever since I can remember (although I laid it down for nearly a decade). The first story I remember winning a prize for was in like 4th grade. We had a class contest and I won. My story? It was about the bottom of the 9th, down by 2, 2 outs, and Ozzie Smith steps up to the plate. I'm sure you know how my short story ended. It ended with his famous somersaults. Even at that young age, I was so inspired and emotional about sports - it was what I could write about and win a contest. My dad used to sneak a radio into my bedroom at night when I was little so I could finish listening to the Cardinals game - even though it was past my bed time. My parents were not huge sports fans, so I'm not sure how I came to be one. They said they never understood it - no one in my family was big fans. I think it was just in my blood. Maybe it was because I was born against the odds, and I was brought up against them too. (My real mom did drugs while pregnant with me and after I was born - my grandparents rescued me from the horrible environment I was in) So maybe even then - I knew there was something beautiful and overcoming about sports.

When our everyday lives are not going so great, a good game can give you something to hope for, to root for. It gives you people to believe in, to pray for. And it only takes 3 hours to get results. :) Suddenly we can turn on "the game" and see our team winning and we are elated and hope seeps back into our souls.

This year, I had some very difficult health challenges, I said good-bye to my birth mom (who had become a sister to me). I said good-bye to Dustin's grandpa who was the best (and only real) grandfather I'd ever had. I said good-bye to our own little small superhero: a good friend's son who had beat cancer with an amazing attitude and demeanor, but then succumbed to it at the age of 3. All of these deaths were sudden and cut deeply into our hearts. Our worlds as we knew them were turned upside down. We also made a life-changing decision for me to go back to a full-time job, which came with saying good-bye to a lot of things as well. It was just a tough year emotionally. But then... there are the sports...

Kentucky went to the Final Four for the first time since 1998 (I'm a new fan - only since meeting Dustin 10 years ago - so it was a big deal for me!). We went to Dustin's grandparents to watch the game. I remember Dustin was tired and contemplated staying home to watch it. But I wanted him to watch it with pop. Something in me told me it was important (though he was good and healthy then). Dustin had grown up watching the games with his pop and they would call each other during and after big games to talk about them. It was very special between them. We ended up losing that game, but Dustin watched the last game his pop would ever see right by his side. And it was special. Did I cry when we lost? Yes. I wanted us to win it all for pop. But at least they gave it a heck of a run! And pop was the only one who didn't cry or get mad at the loss. He said "Well, they did a great job. No sense in getting upset over it." 

The Titans said good-bye to Jeff Fisher. That was heartbreaking. Jeff Fisher is a good man and has done a lot for Nashville. And he has been the coach of the Titans since I moved here and fell in love with the sport I had never cared too much about. So - yes, I cried when they let him go. 

Then we have my favorite sports team ever: the St. Louis Cardinals. I don't get to watch them play very much here in Nashville. But as the season ticked down, more games became available and when the playoffs came around - I had the extreme pleasure of watching every single one. So the fact that they took it to Game 7 of the World Series was awesome for me - I got to see more games than I have in years! :) And wow... what an amazing ride that was! By this time, all of the difficult events in our lives had already taken place. This run to the finish line was a much welcomed event for me. It was so uplifting, so amazing, so overcoming! Game 6 was the definition of HOPE and why sports fans are sports fans.

So for many of us: Sports goes back to childhood or to a moment or to a hope. We remember where we were when Pujols hit the ball off Lidge that went into outer space. We remember where we were when we saw the Titans perform the Music City Miracle. And where we were when they came up just a foot short from winning it all against the Rams. We remember those moments and however they turned out - they define a moment when we sat on the edge of our seats, and bound together with millions of other fans, all of our hearts hoped for the same outcome. No one is fighting over politics or religion. No one is discussing the economy or the wars or the future of our country. No one cares about how our diet is going or how our kids are doing in school - not in those moments. In those moments, we all have hope and everything else become background noise, even if it's just for a few hours. When that hope is taken away in the last game of the year, it makes sense that our hearts break just a little. When our favorite player or coach is taken away - it's the same thing.

I have had the extreme privilege to watch and hold my breath, eyes wide open, heart beating fast - as Pujols took the plate in a Cardinals uniform for 11 years. That's a long time. That's one year longer than I've even known my husband. I've talked about Pujols to all other Cardinals fans. I remember my niece, Lindsay having a crush on him his rookie year because she heard what a great person he was (before he was crushing every ball that came his way - which was soon to follow). I have SOOOO many memories of LIFE happening around those moments, watching him play. And as I watched him become the star he is now, I truly thought we would have him forever. It only seemed fair since we had cheered for him before news announcers could even correctly pronounce his name. We had embraced him and his charities before his stats had become epic. And I guess I naively allowed myself to believe I would get to share this legacy with my children someday. I remembered my Ozzie Smith story and hoped maybe Pujols would be the legend in St. Louis that he was. Maybe my kids would write their own baseball story based on the Cardinals with Pujols at the plate. But suddenly, with one story line on Thursday morning, December 8th - all those HOPES  were gone. 

Ultimately, my core of faith and hope rests in Jesus. When life is tough, I turn to Him. But sometimes sports seem like a gift from God because of the excitement and hope they bring. And so it was a sad day to realize I would have to lay down that naive expectation. I would not see him go all the way from a rookie to breaking all the records. I would not get that pleasure. In 4 or 5 years, if he does it - a crowd of Angels will cheer for him and since I cheered for him before they knew who he was, it seems unfair. But just like life - sports feel unfair sometimes. But ultimately they go on. Just like life does. And one day, it won't be so heartbreaking. One day, perhaps Freese will fill that role. One day, there will be another rookie to cheer for. And one day, we will do it with our children and eventually grandchildren. But nothing will ever make us forget all those moments we shared. 

After reflecting on it all, I don't feel so silly. I see the deep-rooted connection sports have in our lives, as well as the players we root for. The key is keep your focus on the game. It will continue to be played and new stars will rise. I feel that I'm already rolling into that 5th stage of grief and I'm sure 6 & 7 are right behind it. It's a lot quicker than the other losses we experienced this year. It's not pleasant, but like everything else - time will heal all pain. That, and another amazing, breath-holding, shirt-eating, stomach-wrenching, comeback win. I can't wait. 

Phase 1 Complete!!!

Well, I haven't been in touch lately. And for that, I apologize. A lot has been going on (not that this is unusual for 2011) First of all, I come to you from a recliner, where I have made a home this past week. I am having some health challenges with my lower back. They are not new challenges, but they are back in a more fierce way than ever before. I am thankful that I met my insurance deductible early this year and because of that, I was okay with getting an MRI and whatever other tests they wanted to give me. After 3 times of my back "going out" in the past 3 years, I figured it was time to find out what was going on. It looks as if there are 2 discs that are not doing so well in my lower lumbar. This is not an old age thing, not an active injury thing - this is an injury you find in people like me - who sit for a living. That's what I do. The most active part of me is my arms and hands. That's about it. :) The better my career has gone, the worse I've let my health go. So, it's on me really. I am finally sick and fed up with. Something about knowing that 35 is around the corner... wow, that's just too old to not try to get all of this fixed up NOW. So please stand with me in faith that I am HEALED (1 Peter 2:24), God will fix all my wounds (Jeremiah 30:2) and I will be like new in no time!!!

Now, how about some praise reports?!!! :)

Today, I had my kind neighbor Jen drive me to run some errands today. My back was hurting, but I had a very important thing on my calendar for today and I was not going to miss it. I needed to go to the bank. I had a couple deposits to make and one big withdrawal - as scheduled. I took out $1100 in cash and put it in an envelope and paid off our last final "small" debt. Between medical bills and credit lines and little "past dues" here and there... all our "small" debts were equal to a rather large debt. Tonight marked the last one!!! In the past 4 months, we have paid off $8200 in debt!!!! WOO-HOO!!!! AND we had another $8500 in debt cancelled for us!!!! I wrote a couple blogs ago about our credit card settlement that took off $3000 and the state-wide student loan thing that removed $2500 off my student loan balance. Then a couple weeks later, Dustin's grandma wanted to do something for us with some of the money pop left her and so she paid of Dustin's student loan!!! So, that is $16,700 of debt GONE in just 4 months!!!!

As you read this, I beg of you THREE things:

1. Don't get caught up in the numbers: If you don't have a lot of debt and it seems crazy to you that we have so much, try not to judge. We all make mistakes in different ways. I'm just so glad we have LEARNED from them! :)
   
2. Don't get caught up in the numbers: If you have a debt that you feel like you will never pay off and you see that we did that much in just 4 months... Don't be disappointed. God will do it for you too!!! I used to be YOU! I was YOU! I was watching friends with big breakthroughs and amazing stories of faith and debt cancellations. And I couldn't understand it. What was I doing wrong?! It's not that you are doing anything wrong! In my case... I had not yet fully learned to trust God (thus the reason I kept falling back on credit to get me out of pinches) LISTEN TO ME: If God can do it for us, HE WILL DO IT FOR YOU!!! You have to be open to His miracles!!! I am SO thankful that He is doing all these cool things behind the scenes for us because He is reminding me that it's not just me. It's not just because of this corporate job. It's not just because of my talents. It's not just because of Dustin's job. GOD is doing exceedingly above what we can do!!! Which brings me to #3...
   
3. NOW - LOOK AT THE NUMBERS!!! We paid off $8200, BUT GOD took care of $8500!!! HE BEAT US!!! :) We did our best and He did better!!! Proof that God will meet and exceed you! It reminds me of parents who tell their kids "I'll match whatever you save for your car" We have done our part in learning our lessons and applying them to our lives (see my 3-step plan HERE) and God has more than matched us!!! HOW AWESOME is that!!!

So now the Reschs enter into "Phase 2" & "Phase 3". We are now paying off our 2 remaining personal credit cards. That is Phase 3 (but we are sowing into it now). Phase 2 is to save the rest of our first 1/2 of a down payment for our house!!! That's right!!! HOW EXCITING! Now we are in a phase where we get to save for a long-awaited dream!!! WOO-HOO! As we continue on Phase 2 & Phase 3, believe with us for more amazing testimonies. We are living a life that we wish to one day bless others with!!! 

I couldn't wait to share with you! If I were able to do it, I'd do a happy dance and post it. Honestly, I'm doing a half-way one in my recliner right now. I can't help it! What is more exciting than paying off debt?!! Oh... perhaps buying a house!!! I'll have to let you know! God is AMAZING! It still doesn't make sense to me, which is why I have to continue to trust Him. Looking at the numbers, we are way ahead of where we SHOULD be. But that's why we stand in faith!

Love to you all! Thanks for your prayers! Will post a praise report on my back very soon!!! :)

I grieve...

This year has truly been a year of two stories for me (and Dustin). I have been telling you all the wonderful things that are happening in our lives - and there are SO many! And I praise God for each and every one. But because we are human and we live on this earth, sometimes very hurtful things happen too. And this year dealt some challenging life-changing issues to us. Suddenly, this morning, I find that there are raw issues I still haven't really allowed myself to deal with. Perhaps it's partially because of all the other things that have kept me busy. Perhaps it's been a choice. I sometimes think that if I focus on the pain of things that this detracts from the amazing things. But as I saw on my friend's FB wall this morning... When we refuse to deal with the pains and hurts in our lives we not only rob ourselves from the peace of our own healing, but we rob others of seeing the true works of the great Healer. - April Gammon

I thought that grief was like a project in my life. And I felt like after the project was over, you move on. I feel like God has given me such a peace around all the challenging things this year (notably the death of my real mom). And I am blessed by that. BUT... the grief I feel today is not simply for the loss of a life, it's a reminder of who I was as a child and all the things I ran away from when I moved to school, and then to here (Nashville).

The truth that I now realize is that... all my dreams are coming true. As far back as I can remember, I began putting together a dream of what I wanted my life to look like. I hated my life so much that I carefully sketched out a picture in my mind and I am suddenly amazed to find... My life is almost exactly as I had dreamed. I have a church that I love and am sown into the heart of. I have amazing friends I could not have even imagined. I have a God-loving husband who loves me. I even have a dog that is pretty much perfect. I have a corporate marketing job where I get dressed up and have meetings with the CEO (yep, that job description was part of my original picture!) I am writing a book finally. I also have my own business that's doing well! Besides being a few pounds overweight and the lack of home ownership - life is beyond what I even painted in that mental picture. So, why in the world does that bring me to tears?

I think it's the fact that with each step into my future, I get farther from my past. I realize now that I dreamed about all this while hating my past life so much. I only found true forgiveness the past couple years. But what do I do now? People have died, people have moved their lives in so many different directions... I can't seem to find a way to ever go back to that childhood and the people that were in it and appreciate all the good there was, to appreciate this new-found attitude of forgiveness and acceptance. Childhood has such innocence in it and such wonderful moments of beauty and hope. I rarely focused on those - I focused only on getting back at the pain and proving who I could be. Now that I've "proven" it - what now?

The truth is that with the passing of my real (biological) mother... a lot of issues were suddenly re-visited. But I am no longer the person who wants to think on those things. I want to be the picture. I want to be the perfect picture. Anything other than that, to me, seems like a slap in the face of God and all He has blessed me with. But this morning, I realize... it's okay to hurt a little bit. It's okay to truly rejoice and be amazed at all your blessings but at the same time acknowledge the broken pieces that are still healing. When I was slapped in the face by her sudden death back in May, I was amazed by all the different emotions. But then I came back here and life picked up its pace. And instead of continuing on in the opportunity to let wounds open so that they could finally heal the right way (instead of just covering them up with a bandaid) I decided to try and forget it and move on. The thing is this... It's not just grief over Marcia. It's grief over my past, over all those things. It's grieving friendships that I lost because I ran away from them. It's grieving time I lost with my family who adopted me because I ran away from them. It's grieving the hurt girl inside me that never quite found a way to heal.

Last night, I dreamt I was in Illinois. I was at dinner with my family (including Marcia) and it was wonderful. Then later, I was out with a bunch of my good friends and we were laughing and talking. And I know there is a part of me that none of my friends here (not even my husband) knows. They do not know what I went through. They do not know the girl who perfectly sketched out this current picture of her life. And I think that can be hard, because that allows me to just escape it all - even if there's a part of me that doesn't want to. And when I visit with my family and old friends, they don't know the person I've become. It's like my past and present are so separated that I feel no one really knows the whole picture of who I am. And right now, I need someone who does and can talk to me on both levels. Maybe I just need time to grieve... time to understand what has happened this year...

I lost the one person in my life who changed the world for me. She abandoned me as a child. That pain, combined with the many complications that came from being raised by her parents (Were they my parents or my grandparents? Would she come and take me back from them? Would they get tired of me and give me up too? and MUCH more) The choice she made gave me a chance at a better life than she could have ever given me. The choices she continued to make through her life caused brokenness in our entire family. But in the last few years, I realized her sins were no greater than the rest of our's... Our inability to forgive and to love like God loves us, the inability to be soft and comforting instead of hard and judgmental... Not just to her, but to each other. She was truly an anchor in my life of why I am who I am. And while she did not raise me, she did influence me more than anyone in this world. And now she is gone and so what now? How do we heal as a family? How do I heal as a person? How do I make amends with people from my past? How do I completely heal?

While I have no regrets because I had forgiven her and had started a relationship with her finally... Maybe I grieve even more because I had started to dare to dream what our new family photo might look like. I had spent my whole life dreaming of this picture of me without my family. But just these past few years, I began to dream of a new photo and how they would fit into it. And this past year, I began to dream of how SHE fit into it. And now the hope of that photo is gone, at least the one with her in it. And it hurts in ways I cannot describe.

And there is pain and perhaps some regret for the people I so easily dismissed because I wanted a different life, one that did not include them - because they represented the hurt girl of my past. I now know that they loved me despite all that, and I would just like to get them all in one room and say "I'm sorry" and "Thank you." I know God will heal these things with time. But I realize this morning that in order for Him to do that, I have to be willing to admit that there is something that needs to be healed. I have to be willing to reach toward the future while also being willing to embrace the past. It's a challenge I was not prepared to take. But I know God will lead me through it.

There is a lot more that occurred this year that lays on my heart this morning, but I am not prepared to "focus" on those things by talking about them. Not yet at least. I know my life is blessed and I know so many people who need help and prayers and encouragement. I usually choose to focus on them instead. But God has shown me this morning that if I don't allow myself to grieve, my whole picture could fall apart. Because if I don't allow myself to face the pain, I am only putting a bandaid over it and ignoring it. I am not growing. I am only faking. So, if you are reading this, I appreciate any prayers you might send my way as I continue on this new journey.

I'll leave you with a poem I wrote this morning. It may be a little rough around the edges, as I haven't written a poem in a long while...

I had a dream, you were there. The wind was dancing through your hair.
You reached back and grabbed my hand; looked at me to understand.
This was a dream, you had to leave. But I could not accept, would not believe.
And, so I chased you but you did not care. Your laughter faded through the air.


I woke up and you were gone. But I still felt you holding on.
I closed my eyes, laid real still. Begged for sleep with all my will.
But the warmth faded into tears. Reality shook alive my fears.
I'll never again feel your hand. Nor hear your voice upon command.


Except at night through vivid dreams. When reality is not as it seems.
Except when God gives me the gift, a moment solely for my benefit.
For I know you are more than fine. This broken heart is only mine.
But I can't reason with my heart. I do not want our lives to part.


And so through tears, I beg for sleep; For one more memory I can keep.
I resent the day as it pulls me to; and takes me farther away from you.
Fight as I might, I can't resist. For these moments - they do persist. 
So, I must allow you to leave. And allow myself this time to grieve.

An amazing few days. Supernatural debt cancellation!

Hey friends! I feel the need to apologize about my ability to keep the blog up-to-date as much as I'd like. It's just hard to find the time. But when something amazing happens, I am going to be sure to make a post! And something amazing happened over the past week that I couldn't wait to share!

First of all, I want to say... I watched Joyce & Creflo both this morning. And they both were discussing the difference between praying for miracles and then doing the dailies. Basically - it's great to believe for miracles and God is a God of miracles. But He is also a God that gives you wisdom and direction and "leads you by the way you should go" (Isaiah 48:17) If you are going through a challenge, whatever it may be - I know there is scripture that can guide you in your particular need. I looked up the scriptures that I needed and prayed and meditated on them for a long time. At first, the only breakthrough was my ATTITUDE! But, that is the first breakthrough we need!

So many times I see it (and I have done it myself) - people who want things to be different in their lives but they don't want to work for it. I'm not just talking about people living on welfare here. I'm talking about people who "wish". Examples?? Sure... Here are 3!

I "wish" I had more friends. "No one called and invited me to go out tonight, so I give up. I'm just going to go to a bar and meet some people there. No one loves me anyway." I'm sorry - did you call anyone to invite them out? I used to have moments like this. But now - I just invite other people to do stuff. If they are busy, I invite someone else. Just because I'm married doesn't mean I don't want to hang out with people either! Dustin & I are together like ALL THE TIME now. :) And we want to hang out with friends. But feel free to INVITE US. We shouldn't have to be the ones inviting others all the time. So stop with the pity party and call someone! If they have plans, don't take it personally! Call someone else!

I "wish" I could lose weight / feel better. Ugh... I am saying this to bring light back home to me! Dustin & I have been saying this for months. But the truth is... We are not doing anything about it - not really. We start, but don't finish. We start and I end up resisting something and so we quit. We start and I hurt my back. We start and Dustin gets tired of going. We start and then we go eat pizza and coke every day for a week straight. Look - it's true that I am extremely busy right now and it's true that I have back problems. BUT I can find 30 minutes to work out if I want to. AND I can especially eat better!!! But... we haven't done it. It's doing the dailies that would change this for us!!!

I "wish" I were out of debt. Well.. Don't just WISH. DO! If your current income will not do it, then pray for God to show you a way to do it!!

In all these instances, my true belief is this 3-step plan! 
1. PRAY scriptures!! Look up scriptures that have to do with your situation (love scriptures, health scriptures, financial scriptures) Meditate on them until your HEART knows them! Then your attitude will start to change. This is the first part of the dailies - the scriptures!

2. LISTEN! God will nudge you to follow Him on certain things. For instance - He might put on your heart to invite someone to dinner (your treat) and maybe it's someone you don't normally hang out with (and maybe not even sure if you want to). But do it and see what happens! Or maybe he nudges you to do a marathon when you can barely walk up a flight of stairs right now. Commit to it, and maybe it will help you! OR if He nudges you to give someone a gift card when you can barely pay your own bills... do it! I remember buying someone a $50 Kroger card one time when we could barely buy our own groceries. But we did it in faith!! So, listen to those nudgings. Don't you know - I'm glad I LISTENED when He told me "just apply to the job. See where it goes"

3. DO THE DAILIES! Work on your attitude. Study the word. Be nice to others. Remember that it's not all about you. Do something for someone else every single day - even if it's just an encouraging word or a comforting ear. Take the stairs instead of the elevator. Pay as much as you can on your debt, even if it's just $20!

Joyce said this morning that she's glad God didn't just supernaturally deliver her from all her issues. She had to walk out the journey of the dailies. When you do it that way, you GROW! You learn so much and your faith is built like a foundation for future victories!! AND just wait... once you walk it out and see success on your end, God can supernaturally deliver on His end as well. You could get BOTH!

NOW... finally for my news! We have walked through this stuff for a few years now with our finances. Last week, I did our September balance sheet. I realized we paid off almost $2000 in debt on top of going on vacation and getting some things for ourselves. I couldn't believe it! But Kismet and Relish had great months on top of what we had as our regular income. I was so excited when I saw this!!! We are doing it!!! But then... the supernatural came along! You ready??? 3 things happened over a few days time (after seeing that budget on Wednesday)

1. Our largest debt is the last on our list to payoff because we are doing the Dave Ramsey snowball thing. It is a credit card we used to help finance Relish in the beginning. They raised our interest rate in January (tripled it) and wouldn't tell us why. After about 12 phones calls and 3 letters to them, I wrote one last letter notifying them I would no longer be paying the bill until someone could explain to me what had happened. (They said we had a late payment but couldn't prove it and could not transfer us to anyone in management to help us). So I stopped paying and started praying and just trusting God. The day after pop died (9/9) we got a letter from a lawyer saying CitiBank was suing us. And not just for the balance due, but for about $3000 more than that from accrued interest and fees PLUS attorney's fees. We wrote a letter last week and faxed it to the law firm disputing the charges. I called on Thursday just to make sure they received the fax. The guy that answered (a lawyer) asked if he could help us. He ended up not only dropping all those extra fees, but taking off almost $3000 of real debt (what we actually owed) and settling for the rest, to be paid in monthly installments through June. It was SO easy, it was nearly unbelievable!!! AND he was really nice about it - helping us with what we could pay and working out a plan that would work!!! PRAISE GOD!!!! So our biggest debt will be paid off much sooner!!! AND it will go on our credit as good standing!!! (we got all of it in writing) So the one big bill I was concerned about - God supernaturally did exceeding blessings with!!!

2. Our second largest debt and second to last on our list to pay off was my student loan. On Saturday, before we left for Bowling Green (to visit with Dustin's family for the day) - I checked our mail. I had a letter from the Mississippi Higher Education (I went to school at Southern Miss). It was about my student loan. They said they were pleased to inform me that in September, 2011 they were able to reduce my student loan balance by $2500. It has already been applied to my account - nothing I needed to do. WHAT?! I looked online and sure thing!!! SO... we chipped off about $1500 on our first smaller debts. AND THEN our two biggest debts and last things on our list to pay - God supernaturally chipped off $5500!!!! WOW!!!! A-MA-ZING!!!!

3. When Dustin & I got back from vacation, we immediately started looking up our "next cruise". We wanted to go on the cruise that leaves from Miami - the Eastern Caribbean cruise. We liked the Norwegian Epic and started daydreaming. But I knew that with our debt situation - it would be next Fall until we could do another big vacation. Well... while in Kentucky, Dustin's grandma announced that she was taking us all on a family vacation. And guess what it is? YEP! The Norwegian Epic, leaving out of Miami!!! When is it? February 11th!! AND she is going to pay for it all! She said it was a gift - that Poppa wanted to take a trip with everyone and never got to do it. So - we will be going on our next dream vacation in just FOUR months! For free!!! WHAT?!!!

God clearly showed me the connection! We have been doing our part and now HE is showing us the supernatural!!! So, my friends...  I encourage you to do those steps!!! Read the Word! Pray! Invite that person to dinner. Then you may get invited to a spa day with someone else. Climb those stairs and then maybe you'll want to run that marathon! Maybe someone at work will start climbing with you and before you know it - you are getting in shape!! Buy that gift card for that family that needs it. TITHE even if you don't have a lot to give! Give what you can (like the woman with the perfume that poured it on Jesus' feet) Do what you can do! And then God will show you blessings and then MIRACLES!!! It's enough to make you sit down and weep for hours. I know I cried a lot this weekend. And let me just say - tears of joy taste much sweeter than tears of desperation and pity that I once cried years ago! Step out in faith and hope and love!!! Then be prepared to be blessed when you least expect it!!!

Love you all! I am standing with you in faith, my friends!!! YOU CAN DO IT!!!

Isaiah 48:17!!!

Thank you for being a friend. Or rather - thank you for your friendSHIP!

So, I have been busy and it's been quite awhile since I posted. Life has been extremely busy and somewhat complex. Since I last wrote, I have worked many 50-60 hour weeks, attended 2 funerals (that were far from expected), went on our first cruise (and first vacation since our honeymoon 6 years ago), fought the flu and dealt with some challenging life situations.

With everything going on, I realized the other day that something very exciting has happened this year... I know what friendship is. Now, that may sound cliche or light and easy without much depth. But, it was a true revelation in my heart that occurred recently. Friendship is not just a history with a person. Friendship is not just who you hang out with. I consider myself blessed to have so many friends, but there is a difference between "friends" and "friendship". You can have met thousands of people over the years and have hundreds of Facebook friends to prove how rich your life has been in experiences. But the ACT of friendship... that is something current, something that flows into life every day (if you are blessed, like me). It's not just one relationship. I used to think a good friend was someone you'd known your whole life. And I do have friends I'm so glad to still be in touch with. But... well, let me just give you an example of a Friend versus Friendship....

My friend, Beth. We have been friends since I was in fifth grade. Oh, goodness... So that's... 24 years or so. Wow. Okay, so I love Beth. We have been through lots of things in life together. (some great memories, some things of which we can't remember and some of which we may choose not to!) But, I moved here to Nashville 10 years ago. And a lot happens in 10 years. Everyday life happens and shifts things and relationships. It's like a plant. The plant starts small and in a pot, on a ledge, placed next to other small plants. Then one day, the plant is taken far away and eventually decided to be put into the ground in this new location. It begins to form roots in this new location. That's how it is with me and I'm sure with anyone who has moved away from their hometown and suddenly one day realizes - their "new adventure" is now their HOME. Anyway, back to Beth... If she called me and needed real help right now, I would do whatever I could for her, including driving back to IL to help her. When my real mom passed away in May, Beth fixed my hair for the funeral. She cut it, colored it and styled it. She didn't charge me a penny. Not only that, but it was so comforting being there with her and talking to her. I knew that she understood my childhood and that she could understand what I was going through. She hugged me and loved me. She even came to the funeral. It meant SO much to me - just what I needed that day. THAT is friendship, flowing into life. It's not just because we knew each other way back when. It's not just about the past or because we're expected to be friends with someone. It's about love and compassion during the current moment at hand.

I use this example to say that while Beth is my friend (dear friend) we don't experience friendship every day because we are not together anymore (two different states and different lives). BUT the great news is God has blessed me with friendship in several places. MY POINT IS: I think often times, we get our feelings hurt because a friend isn't doing for us what we expect. Either they are not always able to be there when we need them, or maybe they don't do for us what we have done or would do for them in the same situation. Or perhaps the person that once filled a certain role for us is no longer able to fill that role. I know life can be disappointing and so can people. But GOD is never disappointing! And HE has blessed me with friendship beyond words. If I really need someone to do XYZ for me... Maybe I'm expecting Susan to do it because I did it for her just a few weeks ago. But maybe Susan is no good at doing that or she doesn't have time right now. I shouldn't get wrapped up in that! The truth is - if it really is a need I have - just wait... Bonnie comes along and does just what I need. But sometimes, we can't even appreciate Bonnie (besides throwing her a simple "thanks") because we are too wrapped up in "why isn't Susan doing this?!" Look, I'm not saying you should ever be a slave to someone and have a completely one-way relationship. But... at the same time... I'm no longer sure that's it not okay to have one-way relationships to an extent. Sometimes, there are people who just need the encouragement and experience that only you can give. And sometimes, there are people who love me and are there for me in ways that I think "Wow, I can never repay them". But that is where balance can come in, if only we would allow it.

The truth is this: We need to stop looking at friendships like bank accounts with humans (When's the last time I made a deposit? What's my balance? Crap - is this going to make me overdrawn? Hey - there should be savings in there I can pull from in this emergency!) Instead, we should look at friendship as this living, breathing thing that God surrounds you with. It's a network of life. It's truly a web that is intricately sewn around a group of people you know. God will sew in perfectly and weave it to make it stronger and stronger with each new strand. You will go through things, you will not be as close for awhile, then you will be inseparable... as God stitches together this network. Then, one day you realize... I am smack dab in the middle of an amazing thing! God has woven this perfect net underneath me, from which I will never fall. I will never be alone. I will always have the right dose of love and help when I need it most.

So, how did I finally realize this? After the past year - it became obvious. Between grief, medical emergencies and the like... When you have no time to figure out what friend to call and you don't have the time to sit down and calculate which bank account to draw from... I remember after my surgery - feeling disappointed about some of the friends who didn't call to check in on me. Hadn't they realized what I had went through? I mean, it wasn't like I'd just had a broken toe! Come on! I know it wasn't cancer, but it was very serious in my world - where were they?!! Then God so gently said "Look up" I was laying on the couch and right above it is the snack bar where we sit decorations. I looked up to see several flower arrangements and cards and even some drink cups from a restaurant where friends had brought over food. I remember instantly crying. I had been such a baby! People were taking care of me - people I had never expected. And the truth was - THAT is where the MIRACLE should have been seen!! I had people rushing to help me I had never expected!! I later found out some of my other friends had issues come up with kids or life, etc. They hadn't forgotten me. They had prayed for me. And they called when they could and loved on me when they could. And God had filled their roles with all these other amazing people! And through that - he made my beautiful web stronger and mightier!!! Then, a month later - my real mom died. Two weeks ago, Dustin's grandfather suddenly passed away. In both situations, we were blessed with amazing friendship. And in between all that, this Summer - we celebrated our new jobs. And so many friends celebrated with us.

So, now... I thank God! Not for one friend. Not for one situation. I thank God for the friendship in my life! I am such a blessed lady that I don't know how to "repay" anyone. But that's the cool thing! I don't have to! It's not a bank account, after all! I just have to live and love these women (and some of my brothers) when God leads me to! When I feel lead to bless someone with something - it's not because of what they've done for me. It's not because they "deserve" it. It's because GOD is the one weaving this all together! This is HIS web and I'm just so stinking amazed at the piece I get to sit in the middle of!!!

I'd like to give a shout out to some of the strands supporting my web this year! Just remember - this is in no order or ranking or intention to leave anyone out. If I did, I apologize! But, it's not a bank account. Remember - not about friends: it's about friendship.

Beth Farris Mays, Twylla (& Keith) Foust, Leeann (& Anthony) Cooper, Mindy (& Nick) Longo, Michelle (& David) Garcia, Leah (& Corey) Cross, Julie (& Tim) Tupper, Regina (& Ryan) McNeil Wentz, Jen Anderson, Tania (& Mark) Pierce, Crystal Kensinger, Donna Whitley, Jaime Johnson, Rebecca Vajdos, Autumn Stanford, Miriam-Danielle (& Eric) Laidlaw, Maegan Buchanan, Taira Baughman, Ashley King, Jenn York, Erik Garcia, Kelly (& Keith) Terrillion, Cathy (& Matthew) Courtney, Lindsey Bevis Rich (friend AND family) Pastor Dave & Pastor Rob & Pastor Jim (what amazing pastors I have!!!!), Mrs. Anne; my doctors: Dr. Holloway & Dr. McGuire (they are friends now); Jamie Kirschner, Amber Davis, Jennifer Norquist Taylor, Jessica Oettel, April Gammon, Wendy Dujardin & Laura Jones (amazing Facebook and direct messaging encouragers!); Angie Kabat, Sabrina Shun, Ryan & Brandon Huston, Carl & Valerie Bundy, Garry & Nena Rightnowar, Amber Shelton, Billy Fields, Chris & Melanie Donoho, Jamie Bernard Fradelos (friends from Illinois showing friendship); SOOOO many other people from my church family that I sadly just cannot name you all (but know that you are loved!); my momma (Martha Peek), and of course - my best friend in the whole world, my best gift from God, Dustin Resch! I love you with all my heart!

IF I LEFT YOU OFF THE LIST... I apologize. I'm tired, I'm at work. But - I was trying to think of people who said or did things at just the right moment. People GOD used. So if I forgot you, take it up with Him! ;) hehe Seriously, if I listed everyone in the web, I'd be here all day and I have a job to get back to. Just remember - friendship is not a bank account. So don't hold it against me. ;)

Again, this is just a portion of my web. GOD is the center of the whole thing and to HIM, I give all praise and thanks for the miracles in my life, one of the most amazing being friendship.

Have a great Friday, everyone!!! Show some friendship this weekend!

Martina McBride: "CO-Star" to one of my friends! ;)

Just a real quick post (since I am not on FB) to share with y'all a cherished video. Martina McBride (whose voice I absolutely love) is releasing a new video. My good friend, Taira Baughman is in the video, along with her precious family. She is one of the cancer survivors posted in the video. She's the one who was diagnosed on "April 15th / Tax Day".

I love you, beautiful lady! So proud of you and what God is going to do in your life! :)

My new space...

Good morning, friends! I pray this finds you all doing very well this Tuesday morning! :)

Well, I worked from home last Thursday, Friday and yesterday (Monday). I was waiting for my work computer to come in. I got the call yesterday that it had arrived. And I came in today to find my two beautiful monitors perched on my desk, and a box full of supplies from Staples. I had my own bag full of goodies to contribute to the area. As a reminder, here is my desk last week...

I got here at 6am because Dustin is finishing his work schedule on the phones before he starts his new (promoted!) position in 2 weeks. Until then, we come in at 6. There's something wrong about leaving the house when it's still dark. ;) But I will say it was nice having such quiet the first couple hours of the day. :) I had Joyce playing while I set up everything. And I even got prayer time in as I set up. I prayed over my desk and area.

So... here is my new space.Check out the dual monitors. They are identical to my fancy one at home! But they are TWINS! :D I always dreamed of having two monitors!!

And to my LEFT... PHOTOS! :) I have frames: The black one was $2 at Staples. I found the other 2 in a 3-pack in our office last week. (the third is for "Baby" - no room for it here yet! ;)). It took me a minute to realize where they came from. My birth mom gave them to me 2 Christmases ago. I had put it behind something and forgot it. How cool God is to gift me with that now. So special. AND the photos on the "wall" - I used a variety of Relish papers and put photos on them - add some color! :) I have photos of my love, my sweet "kids" and even one of some of the best friends and women I know! :)

To the RIGHT... well, not a lot. Although there will be a large dry erase calendar hanging in that empty wall space once someone hangs it. :)

But I really wanted a colorful frame for my desk. I actually wanted aqua or purple. I walked into Joann's the other night and this frame jumped out at me! It was on sale for $8.99 (from $17). Still... kind of more than I normally spend, but it was just what I was looking for! I got a big surprise at the register - it was marked down to just $3.49!!! :) WOOT! I also raided our supplies closet here (it's amazing - you get to go shopping as much and as often as you like and it's FREE!!!) - I found a desk organizer in the closet identical to the one I have at home (which I love). There was only one and I scooped it up. It may sound silly, but it's things like that which make me feel like God is smiling down on me, you know?! The "little" things that God says "I'll even provide you with the wonderful details!"

It took me so long to learn how to trust God for even the little. If you are reading this and thinking "I can't even pay my bills right now, no less buy a $3.50 frame" - I HAVE BEEN THERE!!! It has been a LONG road to get us moving in the right direction. I was talking to a good friend yesterday who said he is trying not to "hate the wait". I told him I understand that all too well. God has been good to us. Our church and good ministry has taught us well. But, more than anything - the past 7 years have taught us how to live on AND APPRECIATE the little. AND how to be patient to get where you are going. The thing about creative brains is you can so quickly paint the whole picture in your mind. That is a good thing - to have vision. But we often paint it and then WANT IT! RIGHT NOW! And well... if it always worked like that - it would be a disaster! I know that may not seem right, but it's true. 

Joyce Meyer always talks about how if she had not learned how to believe for $5, she wouldn't know how to now believe for the millions it takes for her ministry to run. Think about it - the bigger your dream, the more "on the job training" you will need. I told my friend yesterday about how a couple years ago I tried to pressure the Relish board members in to voting for a software development that would have put the company in more debt. I thought it was the thing that would change it all. I really believed "This is it! If we do this, IT will be our breakthrough. It will be the thing that changes it all!" I thought that several times over the past few years - when a big client promised big things... "This is going to be IT!" Finally (and I do mean FINALLY - after many years) God showed me clearly... HE is the big thing that is going to change it all! HE IS! The point from my Relish story - Praise God for an amazing board - they voted against me. It broke my heart at the time because we couldn't pay our bills and I wanted something to happen. Since then, I have found many flaws in Relish's foundation - from our stock, our pricing to our production. It has been with GRADUAL growth we have been able to learn these lessons. If we would have taken in 20 orders in a week, we would have fallen hard because of all the flaws. NOW - we are sealing and re-shaping and forming an amazing foundation for a house that will built on solid ground - instead of a mansion thrown up in a day. :) 

It's hard to see those lessons until you are past them. But I PROMISE YOU - God has great things - GREAT things in store for YOU! HE is the one thing that is going to change it all for you!!! In the meantime, don't quit!!! Speak those scriptures every day. Get up, get dressed, act sharp - BE the picture of success that God has called you to be! Paint the part of the picture you have control over. But allow God to invoke wisdom that we do not yet have. Allow him to impart on us our job training. Allow Him to prep us for the dreams we have. Allow HIM to BE THE CHANGE!!!

LOVE YOU GUYS!!!

First day of school... :)

I've seen so many people posting photos of their kiddos on their first day of school. My hubby (resembling that of a proud parent) had to take a photo of me yesterday on my first day in corporate America. His confidence in me propelled me out of the house and in to that first big day.

As you might know, I have decided to take a 30 day hiatus from Facebook so that I can focus on this transition period. So... this is my way of catching you up! :)

1. I got dressed up! Thanks to everyone who has given me gift cards over the past year! I was saving them for losing weight, but I'm glad I hadn't lost it yet, because they sure did come in handy this past weekend! :)
2. I met a lot of people. I need a flow chart... seriously. Because a lot of people don't work in the Nashville (franklin) office. And so it was confusing what Sherry in New Jersey does versus Diane who sits across from me. A majority of the marketing team is out of office, because my company is just transitioning it's headquarters to here from New Jersey.
3. I did a lot of walking... in less-than-comfortable high heels. My boss's office is on the other end of the floor (while the CEO is just a yell from me... yikes! ;)) So I walked back and forth to my boss's (Tom) office a lot. And walked the building touring it. And walked to lunch... Lots of walking. My feet hurt last night. :)
4. I heard lots of language I do not understand. It's the medical world and I am not familiar. Praise God so many people I'm so close to ARE familiar with this world. Makes me feel better knowing that it just takes time to understand it all. So many acronyms were thrown out. It's like people are speaking a secret language. Seriously, yesterday I really thought it sounded like an NFL quarterback reading plays to his team. If you have never heard this, you should check it out. (perhaps on an episode of John Gruden's QB camp) Anywho, hopefully I'll learn the language quickly! :)
5. I had a great lunch with a very handsome man! :) My hubby! :) It was so fun spending more time with him yesterday. It's like when we worked together without the stress of working together. ;) We get the fun drivetime together. He is a morning person and I am not. So his sweet, cheeriness helps me choose joy. And I saw him on lunch and one break. I got to see his cubicle and he got to see mine. It was sweet. I know it seems strange that we don't get sick of each other.... but we don't. And we won't (in Jesus' Name haha) We aren't perfect, but we have learned how to adjust to each other by now. (we ran our business out of our home together for 18 months, so this is better...

So now that you know what I did DO, here is what I did NOT DO... graphic design. :) haha My computer systems have not arrived so I am working on my home laptop (netbook) just to have email access (not powerful enough to run graphics programs). I am pleased to say that they ordered everything on my "wish list"! Without question. Pretty exciting! It is all expected to be here Wednesday and hopefully put in by Thursday! I also have high hopes for decorating my little space. But, in the meantime, my desk is a little bare...

I also talked to several people who had been with the company during the acquisition (they were with the former company that my company bought). They have given our new CEO much praise and said it's a great environment with exciting things on the horizon. They said I'm coming in at a wonderful time. So - I am excited at what God has in store! Just need a computer! :)

SIDE NOTES: When I got home last night, I worked on both my businesses and then proceeded with one very important task on my to-do list: I finally purchased our cruise tickets!!! WOO-HOO!!! In 4 weeks, I'll be on a beach in Mexico!! Hot guy by my side, sand in my toes!!! WOOT! :) 

All of this (and my whole blog) is a HUGE praise to God for all His faithfulness! If you knew where we've been the past several years, you can truly appreciate the things that are happening for us now. 

I'll be in touch again soon with more personal encouragement on your financial journey!! Thank you all so much for your love, support and prayers during this time of transition! Love you all so much!!!

Financial Scriptures: Words to stand on!

Hey friends! Well, it's been a whirlwind of a week preparing for the new job. I have received several messages from many of you requesting the financial scriptures. I plan on going through my favorites and what they mean to me and how I stood on them and how they have come to reality in our lives (not just thru this new job, but in many areas!)

I also want to talk to you about FEAR, as I believe that fear is the greatest defeater any of us will ever know. If you stand on these scriptures, you have to make sure it's in faith and not in fear. Don't feel condemned by that (that can lead to a downhill spiral). When I started standing on these for finances and on the healing scriptures for my health - it was often in fear. Most of my life was controlled by fear. It's truly the Devil's greatest weapon - and it's all smoke & mirrors. Here is a great story Joyce Meyer shares (in my own words)

There was a village where children played freely. There was a mountain nearby and the children told ghost stories of the monster on top of the mountain. Some children attempted to climb the mountain, but as they climbed, they would hear this roar coming from above. One by one, they would turn around and come back down as quick as they could. Then one day, a boy looked up and said "I will get to the top!" He and his friends started out. As they climbed higher, the roars got louder. One by one, every boy turned around except for the one. He trembled as he took each step, nearing the top. When he finally reached the top, he saw a small animal about a foot off the ground, about 5 lbs, cute & furry. The boy was shocked "Are YOU what was making all that noise?!" The animal opened it's mouth and only a squeak came out. That's what fear is! It's an idea, a roar from a defeated enemy! It's his last hope to keep us from our destiny!!! Climb that mountain and no matter what happens, KEEP CLIMBING! You may tremble, but keep going - knowing it is never as bad as your mind tells you. KEEP CLIMBING!! You have an over comer inside of you!!! And if you feel fear, it's okay - DO IT AFRAID!!! And then the fear will fade! I will talk more about this in future posts, but for now...

Here are the financial scriptures you can start standing on TODAY! I encourage you to quote them and MEDITATE on them. Quote them several times, close your eyes and say them, absorbing each word. Eventually, you will memorize them - not just in your mind, but in your heart! And THAT is when things will begin to change! I also encourage you to do this EVERY day!!! Challenge yourself, make it a priority!!! If it's a priority to have a breakthrough, work on it! Be sure to quote the passage as well - that is what gives us power - quoting where the promises are in the Bible.

***ALSO, KEY*** Replace generic "your", "their" words with "My" Make the promise FOR YOU. For example, in #10, I say "And my God shall supply all MY need..." This makes it personal promises just for YOU! Of course, all the verses ARE for you, but it helps build the faith in your heart. :)

I will be back soon to blog about specific scriptures! Love you guys! I pray the last one (#22) over you!!! ENDURE!!!

1. Beloved, I pray that you may prosper in all things and be in health, just as your soul prospers. - 3 John 2
2. I have been young, and now am old; Yet I have not seen the righteous forsaken, Nor his descendants begging bread. - Psalm 37:25
3. The young lions lack and suffer hunger; But those who seek the LORD shall not lack any good thing. - Psalm 34:10
4. The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want. - Psalm 23:1
5. And all these blessings shall come upon you and overtake you, because you obey the voice of the LORD your God:
   ³ “Blessed shall you be in the city, and blessed shall you be in the country.
   ⁴ “Blessed shall be the fruit of your body, the produce of your ground and the increase of your herds, the increase of your cattle and the offspring of your flocks.
   ⁵ “Blessed shall be your basket and your kneading bowl.
   ⁶ “Blessed shall you be when you come in, and blessed shall you be when you go out.
   ⁷ “The LORD will cause your enemies who rise against you to be defeated before your face; they shall come out against you one way and flee before you seven ways.
   ⁸ “The LORD will command the blessing on you in your storehouses and in all to which you set your hand, and He will bless you in the land which the LORD your God is giving you..- Deuteronomy 28:2-8 
6. And the LORD will grant you plenty of goods, in the fruit of your body, in the increase of your livestock, and in the produce of your ground, in the land of which the LORD swore to your fathers to give you. ¹² The LORD will open to you His good treasure, the heavens, to give the rain to your land in its season, and to bless all the work of your hand. You shall lend to many nations, but you shall not borrow. ¹³ And the LORD will make you the head and not the tail; you shall be above only, and not be beneath, if you heed the commandments of the LORD your God, which I command you today, and are careful to observe them. - Deuteronomy 28:11-13
7. Give, and it will be given to you: good measure, pressed down, shaken together, and running over will be put into your bosom. For with the same measure that you use, it will be measured back to you. - Luke 6:38
8. Bring all the tithes into the storehouse, That there may be food in My house, And try Me now in this,” Says the LORD of hosts, “ If I will not open for you the windows of heaven, And pour out for you such blessing That there will not be room enough to receive it. ¹¹ “ And I will rebuke the devourer for your sakes, So that he will not destroy the fruit of your ground, Nor shall the vine fail to bear fruit for you in the field,” Says the LORD of hosts; ¹² And all nations will call you blessed, For you will be a delightful land,” Says the LORD of hosts. - Malachi 3:10-12
9. “Therefore do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ ³² For after all these things the Gentiles seek. For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. ³³ But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. - Matthew 6:31-33
10. And my God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus - Philippians 4:19
11. This Book of the Law shall not depart from your mouth, but you shall meditate in it day and night, that you may observe to do according to all that is written in it. For then you will make your way prosperous, and then you will have good success. - Joshua 1:8
12. Thus saith the LORD, your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel; I am the LORD your God which teaches you to profit, and leads you by the way you should go. - Isaiah 48:17
13. And you shall remember the LORD your God, for it is He who gives you power to get wealth, that He may establish His covenant which He swore to your fathers, as it is this day. - Deuteronomy 8:18
14. Trust in the LORD with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths. Do not be wise in your own eyes; Fear the LORD and depart from evil. It will be health to your flesh, And strength to your bones. Honor the LORD with your possessions, And with the firstfruits of all your increase; So your barns will be filled with plenty, And your vats will overflow with new wine. - Proverbs 3:5-10
15. Then you will prosper, if you take care to fulfill the statutes and judgments with which the LORD charged Moses concerning Israel. Be strong and of good courage; do not fear nor be dismayed. - 1 Chronicles 22:13
16. ¹ Blessed is the man
             Who walks not in the counsel of the ungodly,
             Nor stands in the path of sinners,
             Nor sits in the seat of the scornful;
     ² But his delight is in the law of the LORD,
             And in His law he meditates day and night.
     ³ He shall be like a tree
             Planted by the rivers of water,
             That brings forth its fruit in its season,
             Whose leaf also shall not wither;
             And whatever he does shall prosper. - Psalm 1:1-3
17. Commit your works to the LORD, And your thoughts will be established. - Proverbs 16:3
18. Through wisdom a house is built, And by understanding it is established;
    ⁴ By knowledge the rooms are filled With all precious and pleasant riches. - Proverbs 24:3-4
19. If they obey and serve Him, They shall spend their days in prosperity,
    And their years in pleasures. - Job 36:11
20. Masters, give your bondservants what is just and fair, knowing that you also have a Master in heaven. - Colossians 4:1
21. not lagging in diligence, fervent in spirit, serving the Lord; - Romans 12:11
22. ³⁵ Therefore do not cast away your confidence, which has great reward. ³⁶ For you have need of endurance, so that after you have done the will of God, you may receive the promise: - Hebrews 10:35-36

Digging, Dunging, Promoting...

Well, by now you guys have probably seen some of my Facebook posts from the past couple weeks alluding to news going on in our lives (or as even my last blog hinted). So, before I give the news, I need to give a little history...

8 years ago, Dustin worked at Dell & I worked at a printing company. Our incomes were pretty good (for our age), but we were young, not married yet and that helped. Then, February of 2004 Dustin lost his job at Dell. After that came a long string of small jobs that didn't pan out mingled with bouts of unemployment [and lots of video game playing, as he'll tell you :)] And so begin the journey of living month to month...

5 years ago, my steady income went away when the company I worked for was going under and my hours got cut in half. I decided to start my own freelance company. I wanted so desperately to be creative and work on fun projects and working in printing did not allow me that opportunity. Thus, out of what was deemed necessity... Kismet Creative was born. Dustin was a manager at the local movie theater. Don't let manager mislead you... it was low pay... I know store clerks who get paid more. But we made it. (I also taught college for a few years part-time to help supplement pay)

3.5 years ago, I founded a new company Relish, Inc. - a wedding stationery company with a very cool, unique software twist! (check it out if you haven't before) When it launched, Kismet was growing and Dustin quit the job he hated to work with me to try to build the businesses...

3 years ago (August, 2008) we got the Kismet client that promised to change everything. Then a month later, after hours of work (and turning down other business) - we discovered the company was a scam. They literally were a scam internet company that launched, sold a lot of customers products they never shipped and shut up shop and fled! We were left with a huge hole in our income. HUGE. We borrowed money and the spiral began that got us into debt. Dustin began to look for work.

2 years ago Dustin got his first real job in IT. YAY!!! A real job!! And steady income!! WOO-HOO! Again, it was small pay, but hey - it was in the field he wanted! And he didn't even go to school! :)

1.5 years ago, Dustin left that to get a job with more opportunities. But shortly thereafter, that company had issues and he got a call... We thought he was getting a call to be hired on at a better level (he was just contract) but instead it was to cut his hours in half!! Then... Kismet started going through a rough patch. More debt accrued... :(

1 year ago... Last Summer things began to turn around... :)
Dustin got a job at an amazing company with REAL PAY!!! Best pay he'd had since working at Dell!!! THEN - I got my first regular client for Kismet - a monthly gig with a large company in California. AND Relish got it's first celebrity client and exploded! Because of those two things, both of my companies had best years to date!!!

This year... Dustin has been working his tale off.
Kismet... has been fledgling. Hard for me to say it, but it's true. I had clients go nutso on me. I was sued (I won, but still...) I had lots of clients push off projects because their businesses were hurting. The economy had not hurt me until this year. But some of my clients went out of business, etc. It's been hard to see that. But mostly... the pain of thinking you are about to have a big job and then they cancel on you... that hurts. And having to stay after people to pay you. Yeah, not really in my DNA. I tried hiring someone to help me as an account manager so I wouldn't have to deal with all the managing of the clients, but that didn't work out. Then, my regular monthly client... they put their account "on hold" a few weeks ago. ugh...
Relish: Going great! Still growing. With such a huge concept, we have been a growth stage since Day 1. But, I will say as an example of where we are going... We have been visited by 117 countries in just he past 4 weeks. We send sample orders (and real orders) to places all across the country each week. However, it's not enough to pay me a salary... yet.
So all in all, we are paying our bills and digging our way out of debt. But it's like we have a garden shovel, trying to dig ourselves out of a massive sink hole.

So... all of this to lead up to this past month.

In June, Dustin was approached by a manager in another department at his company. (his name is Jim) Jim asked Dustin if he'd be interested in a position in their department. After a few weeks and 7 interviews (wow!) Dustin got a HUGE promotion. He went from a Level 1 phone tech to a Level 3 Systems Analyst. This is something you don't get without working in the field for many years or without a degree. But Dustin has impressed so many people there - THEY approached him and he got it!!!! :) And it's a raise! Not as much as we'd originally been told, but it's a raise! :) But more importantly, it is an AMAZING resume builder!!! (did I mention he didn't even go to school to do this?!)

Simultaneously, I received an email from CareerBuilder with a job match. I've been on their list for years and years. Same as with our realtor. I get the emails, I surf the list and that's it - for years now. But this one position caught my eye. It sounded... well, perfect and to me I thought... that means I should not get my hopes up. But hey, what can it hurt to apply? 4 weeks later, after hearing nothing, I'd forgotten about it and moved on. Seriously. Dustin asked if I had looked into jobs and applied for anything else. I was like "I don't WANT a diff job. I just applied to that ONE because it sounded perfect." So... last week they called. And yesterday, I had an interview...

Out of hundreds of applicants, it was narrowed to four. And 24 hours after my interview... they called and hired me. Ready for all the kickers? The things that seem like 'seriously... if you don't believe in my God - you gotta read on...'

• It allows me to do a variety of graphic design projects for marketing pushes. This was the first thing that attracted me to it... the description of what I'd be doing was all the things I LOVE about what I do with Kismet.
• It does not compete with any of my Kismet clients in any way so I can keep doing work for my current Kismet clients without conflict! Second thing I was looking for!
• THE REST ARE PERKS I DID NOT KNOW ABOUT UNTIL THE PAST FEW DAYS:
• The company is located in the same building as my husband's company! Being a one-car family (yes, most people don't know this. Though I do have a car on loan, it's not mine so...) This is an amazing perk! Plus it's all the way in Franklin, so yeah... I thought it'd be cool to both work in Franklin with Dustin, not knowing it was the same exact building!!! He's as excited as me that we are going to be carpool buddies!!! I mean - What are the chances?!!!
• This is a new position in a revamped / new Marketing department. They were previously doing all their advertising out-of-house, but they are redoing their whole image and so they started fresh. My new boss has only been there since April. Everyone is new. I am the first (and only - for now) designer. As it grows, it will be my department and everyone new will be under me. So it was important to him for the person they hired to be a leader.
• I have a $20,000 budget to tell them what all equipment and software I will need. (I know - WHAT?!)
• I get to set my own hours. (reasonably speaking - I can hear you smarty-pants right now)
• I get to work from home sometimes. And as I get more acquainted, I can do it more often. 
• I will be on my own most of the time - no micro-managing. I'll have a partner with the copywriter. And that's about it for now! LOTS of projects to do and just me to churn out the designs. :)
• Oh, what else?! Oh yeah... best pay I've ever had in my life. BY FAR. :)
  The Reschs will have literally QUAD-DRUPLED their income from just a little over a year ago!!! (doesn't even count Relish's profits - because we are re-investing that back into the growing company!)

So... questions and notes...

1. What does this mean for Kismet? 
   I will still be handling current clients because I can manage regular clients stuff. I will not be taking on any new clients (because that entails branding and too much work). I will not be doing any more websites - which I am THRILLED about! :) But I feel SO blessed that I get to keep Kismet and the few clients whom I adore! With the removal of meetings with new/potential clients, eliminating meetings with "clients" who never want to pay me real money (#timewasters), eliminating those clients all together... I should be able to manage the business at it's most basic form very easily. :)
2. What does this mean for Relish?
   Well, I am going to do my best to manage it for now. But as we are ramping into a new season... I understand the reality that we will be needing to hire part-time help. As soon as I get my duckies in a row, I will be hiring someone trustworthy to help me with our baby! :)
   I will still be working on the catalog and the exciting things that are in the works for 2012!!! (just wait!!! It's going to be fantastic!!!)
   AND with this money, we can also invest into the company like we want to. We still feel that Relish is our future, our retirement project if you will. We have investors, a board of directors, a growing list of dealers across the country and several brides from across the world who reinforce the belief in this dream!!! So - taking this position will only help it!!!
3. NOTE: I love Kismet. I love my baby. It was never meant to be forever. I had no idea what it would become. I adore the majority of my clients and I thank them all from the bottom of my heart. My new boss (wow - I now have a boss that's not me!!!) said that it was my wide-range of experience, great portfolio and expertise that got me the job. Do you know what made all of that possible?! KISMET AND RELISH!!! Since I was paying myself - I allowed myself the time it took to learn new things. I taught myself HTML, Blog coding, SEO, etc...  I learned new design tricks! I really refined my gifting. And I could never have done that without owning my own business!
4. Should other entrepreneurs give up and get a corporate gig? 
   I have been blessed to encourage so many of my friends to start their own business!!! So, I want to say clearly... NO!!! Every business is different. My business (Kismet) depends on other small businesses. And while I can claim good things for my company, I could not always get my clients to keep the faith. Thus, the rocking economy has hurt them and in turn - me. Also, in my line of work - I had to constantly try collecting on jobs. SO NOT FUN! :( I have friends that do big bulks of work and that is great for them - easy payment process and steady work. Not so for me. 
5. What really lead to this?
   A year ago, I realize how much I was making hourly with Kismet: Less than minimum wage and it was deflating. :( I talked to our awesome pastors at church about going into a season of "digging & dunging"  - a parable in the bible about not cutting down the tree yet - to dig & dung it and then if you come back and it still isn't producing fruit - then you do something about it. Then, I started praying seriously about what to do next back in December / January. I felt like I was supposed to be doing something different. My back had went out (again) and I was going through physical therapy. Yes, it was from my position but also from STRESS. Then, I had to have surgery for endometriosis. The money it costs... ugh - more debt. Then my birth mother died a month later. And I have a younger brother (I can explain that in a whole other novel - literally) who now has basically no immediate family left but me. I want to be able to be there for him in the future should he need me like I needed people in my life. Dustin & I both want to have more so we can GIVE MORE!!! We want to be a blessing!!! :)
   All this left me to ... WANT MORE. I want to be valued for what I do. I want to live an easier, less stress life (I could write a book on the stress I've been through with Kismet... the lawsuits, etc). I wanted MORE and I feel like God wanted to PROMOTE ME. But how? Now, I know. THIS IS MY PROMOTION! :) 

How amazing it is that my awesome hubby and I are both getting promotions at the exact same time!!! I am so thrilled!!! This will help us get out of debt and into our house so much quicker!!! (our belief date is September, 2012 - believe with us!!!)

All credit to my Lord and Savior for everything He has always done for us. We have NEVER went without. We have had a good home, food and clothes. We have BARELY scraped by many, many months but He has always pulled us through!!! Thank you to those of you who have sown into our lives!!! You are part of this testimony with us! This is just the beginning. There are great things coming!!! Not just for us, but for you too!!! 

The real turnaround began when we began praying financial scriptures EVERY SINGLE DAY. We meditated on them like they were lifelines. We prayed them and soaked them in. We also filled our ears with teaching on finances and breakthroughs, from the likes of our Pastor Jim (Joy Church), Joyce Meyer, Creflo Dollar, the Copelands and the BRILLIANT Dave Ramsey! Instead of seeing where we were, we saw where we wanted to be. I told God through this whole process... God, I'm not sure why I'm applying to a job. I thought this was my destiny. Finally, last week he revealed to me "everything is not as it seems". The final destination is still the same, but the journey is not always for us to decide! In the end, I now see I was on the right path the whole time. And if something should change again - I know it's because HE is leading me somewhere better. 

If you are struggling with debt, finances or any other challenge... I encourage you to claim the good news the Bible says! There are REAL promises in there that God gives to His children. Seriously - it's not just a book of rules. :) And you can stand on those promises!!! Just like our Pastor says - it probably won't happen overnight, but keep it up and just you wait.. :) I started this new routine over 2 years ago and slowly things began to turn!!! OH - and I tithe. ;) I know that's a sensitive subject - it was for me. Then, I finally trusted God with $10, then with $20 and then with 10%!!! You may think I'm crazy that God talks to me. But here's the deal... if you talk to Him long enough, you will start to hear back! ;) It's not in audible terms. It's creative ideas and unctions He puts in your heart. It's the best relationship you could ever have. I am not going to use this post to talk about how "down" my life could have been this year. But you can probably get it by knowing that within 2 months... I went through therapy for a slipped disc, I was told I may not ever have kids, I had to have invasive surgery, I was sued (went to court), my birth mother died suddenly in a car wreck & my business turned down. Yeah... fun stuff in the natural. But I kept ever closer to God so I could hear HIM, so I could know HIS promises!!! I will post a blog on praying over finances very soon! :)

Okay, enough already with this book. Love you guys. Pray for me on this new adventure! I feel like I'm going back to school! :) haha 

PS: I am also writing my first novel! A few chapters in now! :) But... that's big news for another day.