words, words, words...

I love words. I love how they land on a page (or screen). I love how they bounce off a page into your mind and your heart. I love how the right words at the right time can change your world forever.

I recently had lunch with my oldest friend (since I was like 3 or 4). I am blessed that she moved to Nashville years before me for separate reasons and we get to hang out from time to time. I reminded her of one of our lunches that took place about 8 years ago. It was just a normal day and we were heading back to work from lunch. She mentioned a bible study she was in and how she had just learned that God doesn't only FORGIVE you when you ask, but he actually FORGETS! He wipes the slate CLEAN! It's hard for us to understand as humans whom often hold grudges. But, He truly does this, she told me. She said "So, you can literally start new tomorrow!" At the moment, I thought it was interesting (and news to me) but it didn't seep in. I was out of church at the time, living a less-than-Christian lifestyle. And not only that, but I was miserable. I put on a good act, but I was miserable. That night, I went home and was sitting around watching TV and suddenly her words came back to me... "God forgets... you get to start fresh..." And as I paused to think on this, I began crying out to the Lord. I could feel Him with me for the first time in years and I asked him to give me a fresh start. And... the next day was NEW!!! And my life made a HUGE direction change - HUGE! All it took was those few words spoken casually by a friend...

A couple weeks ago, I was so sick to my stomach and not sleeping, fighting off depression. I was trying to imagine a way I could pull myself out of bed. Then my pillow started vibrating. I had fallen asleep playing a game on my cell phone. There was a text message from a church friend saying that for some reason, I was on their heart and she said I could do all things through Christ. It was just what I needed. We are not even "close" friends (though I cherish her!) But she followed the Lord and it changed my day, which changed my week and so on...

So those are words I love. And I am blessed to have a great relationship with words these days. I am back to writing and I love that! But what about the other words? Do you understand how important your words truly are? My fellow JCI peeps have for sure heard about this, as Pastor preaches on it. But I have just really seen the extreme of this as of recently.

As most of you know, my birth mother passed away a month ago. I went home for a week and between that and the increased contact with family since then, I began to see the power of the wrong words. I have been living in a bubble and had forgotten what an impact the wrong words can make. And there are different forms...

1. The speaker over others: I heard many people speaking negative things to or about others. Examples: "You never could figure out money! You gotta quit messing up!" "You are such a mess. You are going to be just like your mom the rest of your life!" "He is nothing but a screw-up"

These are words that condemn other people. Yes, people need correction sometimes, but there is a difference between correction and condemnation. Words like that can get into someone's psyche and hold them back like a curse for years and sometimes a lifetime. I have words that were spoken over me as a child that I am still trying to overcome.

Not only is it bad for the person receiving, but for the person giving. When you say negative things about others, it is often a reflection of what you think the world is and what you feel your life is. I know it's hard, but if you choose to SPEAK the positive about others (or at least hold to the "if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all") it will change how YOU see yourself and others. The more negative you focus on, the more down your spirit will be. Don't believe me? TRY IT. Challenge yourself to not say anything negative about others for a week and see how you feel? I guarantee that by the end of the week, most of the negative things you wanted to say from a few days earlier - you will have forgotten them. BUT if you speak them, they are out there. And suddenly they can be dwelt on. By others, by you.. they can cause division and strife that keeps on going - when, if you'd just held onto the words (despite your thoughts) the situation would resolve itself.

2. The speaker over themselves. Years ago, I got new neighbors and friends when Keith & Twylla Foust moved in below me. They became my spiritual big sister and brother. I had a huge habit of saying "I'm so stupid." or "I'm such an idiot" Twylla would often correct me on that. That was just the beginning. Once I learned how better I felt not insulting myself, I began to learn how much better I felt not condemning my life. For instance, always saying "I'm getting sick again" NO! I may not feel great, but to claim that bad things are about to come my way. No, thanks! Same way with "It's going to be a crappy day!" If you say it, then so it may be! WHY go ahead and claim that junk?! I'm not perfect at it, but I PROMISE you my life is so much better since I stopped focusing on where I was lacking and started focusing on the good!

For instance, instead of saying "I feel horrible. I have felt bad for so long now" I say something like "I am healed and today will get better!"

A big one for me, a pet peeve of mine is "I'm broke" I HATE THAT EXPRESSION! I used to say it just like the rest of the world. Do you realize the connotation there?! Not only financially, but you are saying you are BROKEN! That means, something is wrong with you, you are incomplete. That is NOT true!! I stopped saying that YEARS ago during our most "financially-challenging" time. I said instead "I can't really afford to do that right now. We are financially-challenged" May seem funny, but I promise you - makes a huge difference in how you see yourself AND life! Again, I'd challenge you to a week of nothing but self-love and proclamation.

3. Casual Speak: I do not understand this one as much as the other two. I recently came across some Facebook pages where girls were saying "Hey B****! Call me!" And that was the nicest name they called each other. Not only was this between friends, it was between family! Not only that, but mothers and daughters!!! They think it's funny, but you have to understand you are labeling yourself and others. Even if it's fun to you, I have found out that there is truth in our words. That may make you mad, but it's true. If you say stuff like this as truly fun to start out, there will start to be truth behind them. STOP THIS CRAZINESS! Love each other! Try calling each other "Sweetie, Lovebug, Sweet girl, Princess, Babe, Sister, Baby Girl, Momma, Friend" Just TRY IT. See how it makes you feel!!! These are words I am blessed to be called and I ALWAYS smile inside when I hear them. It does something to your soul to know that's how others see you!

So, in all this reflection - I realized that I have become a little lazy with some of my words. Facebook & Twitter has helped with this. Sharing every random thought with such ease... Yes, Facebook status words count! And because I have become more free with that stuff, I've become more free in face-to-face conversations as well. We must guard our hearts by guarding our words!

When Marcia died, I realized that when people I love die, the one thing I long for is their VOICE. I can still hear every loved one I've lost. I can hear how they said my name and what they called me, how they talked to me. Seriously, not just saying this for the purpose of this blog. I can hear my friend Jon and how his voice fluctuated when he'd say "Steph" - how I could hear the smile in his voice when he greeted me. I can hear my friend Brian from years ago saying "It's a party!" everytime I walked in the door somewhere. Not because I partied, but because I was always so cheerful and he said he loved it whenever I walked in the room.

What do you want people to remember about your voice? What will it be? Not all my memories are so fond, but I can't change them, because the people are gone and they have no more words to offer me. We only have so many words in this lifetime and yet they are all that will be left of us when we are gone. So what do you want to do with your's?